From My Chair

Do You Want a Guardian Angel to Go with Your ADHD?

2012-01-13T09:08:00.000-05:00

Do you know any adults with ADHD?

Ask them this following question: “As you think back over your life, how many times could you have been dead by now? “

If your friend is willing to play along, you may get some surprising answers.

“You mean since I was two years old or just since I began driving?”

“Four times for sure”

“Oh, at least a dozen times”

Or they begin to describe dramatic events.

“I fell off of our porch roof into some bushes when I was 4.”

“My brother was giving me a ride on his bike down this hill…”

“We were repelling from the top of an old church, when…”

“I was dating this guy who..…”

“On my Yamaha 750, I wiped out after getting some ‘air’ at 105.. ”

“Driving 125 on the causeway to St. Petersburg, when…”

Then I might ask, “Have you ever wondered what keeps you alive when you could have been dead by now?”

“Have you ever wondered if something watches over you and keeps you alive? “

“Yes,” is the most common response.

“Do you ever wonder if some Guardian Angel watches over you? How else do you explain that you are still alive when others would have been dead several times by now?”

“Yes, I have thought that at times.”

For somewhere inside, intuition provides guidance. “I know what I should do, but I don’t always do it.”

When I see the survivability of ADHD clients and their ability to land on their feet, (physically and metaphorically) coupled with their intuition, I think of them as cats – either sleeping or stalking prey.

Ultimately, the person with ADHD does learn to listen and respond to the internal guidance, that Guardian Angel, living within them. Otherwise, the stakes get higher and life becomes more inconvenient

Focusing on 2012

2012-01-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

The last office day in 2011 was a day for cleaning out clutter, shampooing carpets, storing closed files, and putting up a new literature rack. It seemed so symbolic; preparing for the year ahead. Completing, clearing, consolidating, and de-cluttering one part of my life

A New Year brings Hope for me as it does for many of us,

A time of letting go of what is in the past.

A time for reordering our priorities.

A time for shrinking and consolidating our lives.

A time of breathing a prayer of renewal for a better year, a better life and a better us.

A time to ask better questions that lead to better choices.

As I was writing the above notes from my experiences this past week, the following note appeared in my mailbox.

Peter Russell, a British Author and Creative Thinker, from his website “The Spirit of Now” lists his suggestions for the coming year.

5 Keys to less stress in 2012

1. Reclaiming quality time. Learning how to let the mind relax and just "be" for a while.

2. Rethinking priorities. What is it we really want? What makes our hearts sing?

3. Seeing things differently. Pause and ask yourself if there's another way of looking at the situation.

4. Don't keep anxieties bottled up. When we stop resisting uncomfortable feelings, they have a better chance of dissipating.

5. Value your friendships. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Full article: Press Democrat.

Well said. My sentiments exactly. I cannot express it more succinctly. Thank you, Peter.

Changes beginning in 2012

2011-11-27T12:24:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, a posting goes up in my office waiting room listing the revised rates and new services beginning in 2012. Revising rates for the first time in two decades and adding new services reflect the new directions for the practice.

New Services for 2012:

Business consultations - not infrequently, counseling sessions with individuals who own their own businesses often turn to discussions of personnel issues, business plans, or organizational structural changes. The sessions become coaching sessions for the client’s business interests as much as their personal/relationship issues. Separating the coaching service gives recognition to the unique combination of knowledge in both management and mental health is required to provide this service.

Astrology Readings – over the past 15 years, after having read nearly 75 books on astrology, reviewed over 2500 charts of people who I know, or have known intimately, and have collected a database of over 3100 charts, I've decided it's time to set a new course for this avocation. The readings will be consultations on individual’s natal chart, reviewing the specific gifts and challenges alluded to in the chart, as well as providing some relationship advice. I do not perceive these readings as being "predictive" astrology as some popular notions would have you believe.

During the past decade and a half, astrology has provided shortcuts, resulting in more efficient use of therapy consultation time and more focused sessions.

Carl Jung, late in his career, commented that "Astrology was the first psychology," as he observed the similarities between mythology, archetypal images, and astrological energies.

Internet Skype Sessions : I've been providing some Internet Skype sessions over the past two years whenever clients out of town during their regularly weekly sessions. I foresee utilizing the service more often, and more regularly during the coming year. For now, I will provide the service with established clients. I do not see Skype sessions as a usual alternative format for most counseling. There is still something about personal interaction between two people sitting face-to-face in the same room that cannot be produced in video form.

These are only a few of the changes of the many changes I anticipate for 2012 for the practice. As technological advances occur, and I learn how to use them, more changes will come forth as the year progresses.

Where have your words gone?

2011-11-06T10:38:00.001-05:00

What have you been up to?” ask the emails from friends and blog readers. “Where has your creativity gone?”

“My mind has been in a creative lull; at least in terms of writing,” I tell them.

When summer arrived after the long cold wet winter, my body wanted to be outside in the elements.

Working with wood vs writing.

Canning vs Quoting.

Planting bulbs vs posting blogs.

Crafting landscapes vs manuscripts

Whenever weather allowed, I was outside.

Now in the return to living inside, my mind wants to read rather than write. The rainy retreat time two months ago fueled a passion which has completed one book every two weeks.

Today, I begin Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters, the Power of Romantic Passion, written by Ethel Person, a Jungian analyst on the transforming and humanizing effect of love on the psyche.

It is just one of the rhythms of my life. I have been through these before. These phases take my life, my relationships, and my therapy practice to a new level. They are an extension of a process which began at my annual retreat, My writing and my words will return, as will my desire to reach out to people.

“Do you still write in you journal?” one writer wants to know.

“Yes, it's the breakfast of my life.”

"Heartbreak Warfare"

2011-10-02T17:05:00.000-04:00

HEARTBREAK WARFARE: a client plays for me an excerpt from a John Mayer song entitled: "Heartbreak Warfare".

It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

This is from someone who often describes her conflicts - both personal and business – as a war. Other clients have described their struggles with their teenagers as a war.

War is a concept that from my cultural and religious upbringing was seen as a shortsighted approach to dispute resolution. Historically, the Mennonites/Amish culture has not had its young men go to war, but rather, provide some community service to the country. Children’s Services, my alternative to the Vietnam, is where my career begins.

Psychologically war is a notion that says, "If I don't win what I want, then we will both go down - and you can't have what you want.” Or perhaps, “It will cost you so much you can't enjoy what you have won.”

The concept of war is about winning and losing; a concept that what one gains the other loses. The notion of winning and losing in relationship precludes any true intimacy. Peaceful coexistence, yes. Shared ventures or projects, yes. An closeness or camaraderie, yes. But true intimacy? Not so much.

When we see our relationships as a dualistic struggle, where one of us is the good guy and the other the victim, we are relying on the other to be more trusting than we are. More vulnerable and exposed than we are.

Sports evolved as a way providing young man a safe outlet for war-games through friendly competition. While sports give us rules for the field of play, a relationship war, I'm afraid, has no rules, no defined boundaries, and no clear winners – only “degrees of losing”.

Next time you are caught up in a ‘relationship war’, ask yourself,

- Is there another way I can see this?

- What is my greatest fear now?

- In a single sentence, what is it that I am wanting now.

Then, communicate that to your partner. Just say so.

Rainy Day Retreat

2011-09-19T09:05:00.001-04:00

On some gray, misty, rainy morning, have you ever said to yourself, “ I would so love to stay home, hibernate, read a good book and sleep all day.”

Suppose you did stay home on a rainy day, what would you do? How would you spend your time?

Now, imagine having six consecutive rainy days in which you stayed home?

Misty fog hangs in the valley.

My annual retreat in an empty campground with six days in which it rained parts of each day gave me time to answer that question.

Solitary retreats serve as a renewal time for the body, mind and soul; for long walks for dialogue with the Self, renew spiritual practices, and read a book or two, a time of being present oriented, grounded in nature and body.

This year’s rains limited the hiking, eliminated the biking, confined the activities to mainly reading and writing; a misty fog forcing me inside the camper and forcing my focus “inside.” Listening to rain on the camper roof keeps one grounded in the physical realities of the present moment.

Daily routines of writing journal pages, trying new meditation practices, hiking, reading, and sitting around campfires in the evening, all served to keep my mind focused on the self in present time

Reading, or rather re-reading, extensively highlighted books provided some touchstone experiences; reorienting myself to previous experiences of spiritual renewal. This year’s selections were Baldwin’s Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, and Eckart Tolle’s The Power of Now; two books pulled from my shelves at the office based on some intuitive impulse.

When it was raining, extensive journal writing, hours of filling half of the new journal, was the predominate activity. A gratitude section. A review of this year in a life. An assessment some things I have learned in this lifetime. What to let go of and what to hold more dear. And, some commitments toward a year ahead.

Somewhere along the line, answers do arrive. Either in the question and answer form of journaling dialogue, a sudden inspiration in a highlighted line or two from a book, or from my own free form journaling in which I end up writing some thoughts I had no idea were in my mind. After 70 pages of writing, one finds perhaps seven lines that give inspiration, insight or enlightenment. But these are lines that come from inside, not from one of the books brought along.

Always a transcendent moment or two comes to me in this retreat week; a moment when the world looks surreal.

Sunshine warms the river and the valley.

- - On the river bank, in my chair, writing, practicing meditation exercises, quietly , silently for half an hour when a large black heron with white tail cruises by at an altitude of 6 feet overhead on his way to run off a younger heron from his favorite fallen tree branch.

- - A cloudless afternoon allowed the sun to shine onto the river valley bottom for a few hours, lifting of spirits and an animating all forms of wildlife out of their hibernation.

- - The full moon over head appearing brightly, fully on one special evening.

When on some future rainy day, you are tempted to stay home with yourself, please do so. Make it a day without electronic stimulation,-- no music, no internet, no television, no ‘news’. Make it a day of reading inspiring books, writing notes to yourself, or to friends, and simply listening to the rain and the silence.

Rain refreshes all of nature. Listening to rain may refresh your soul.

Zentangle on The Fountain Pen Network

2011-08-14T12:07:00.000-04:00

A thread entitled, "Zentangle Advice " in the The Fountain Pen Network caught my attention. What also caught my attention was the strength of some people's responses to Zentangle art. Below is a post that I placed network this morning.

You can find the entire thread at the following link :

http://www.fountainpennetwork.com/forum/index.php?/forum/32-the-write-stuff/

Here is my post to that thread:

“People do not remain neutral to seeing Zentangle art. Some are immediately dismissive, seeing the line drawings as little more than graffiti. Lifelong doodlers will see it as “what I have been doing for years”. Others, captured by the line drawings, remain with eyes fixed, not quite able to pull themselves from the art, not knowing what holds them to this art form. As a therapist, my surprise has been the strength of the emotional responses of many people, (including my own, at times), to these simple line drawings.”

from "Emotional Responses To Zentangle Art", posted July 14, 2010 on the “FromMyChair” blog.

This thread began with a simple question, simply asking for information on fountain pen use in Zentangle art. Subsequent postings to this thread begin to appear; written with much stronger emotional fervor.

Many of the Zentangle, “tangles” do appear to be derivatives of our cultural artifacts, and of nature. But also, as pointed out in a previous entry in this thread, some of the tangles are reflective of symbols and art forms in ancient cultures around the world.

From this, I've drawn the conclusions that strength of the emotional responses to the Zentangle “tangles” seems to have come from an awakening of some primal/primitive emotional responses within people, responses not based in logic.

It does appear to me that the use of “Zentangle” as a registered trademark seems to elicit anger in some individuals as though someone had gotten a copyright on an ancient universal or religious symbol. I, still, as an observer of human nature, sit on the sidelines with fascination at these very strong responses. “What creates the intensity of these responses at each end of the continuum of emotions?”

The Pelikans Have Arrived!!

2011-07-24T14:21:00.001-04:00

M800’s these are called. Pelikan fountain pens are German manufactured pens and arrive with two-tone18k gold nibs. These are some of the most desired fountain pens on the market. For each pen, I ordered custom ground, nibs, broad, italic cursive writing points for a right-handed person. Both nibs tuned by John Mottishaw, one of perhaps a half dozen highly respected “nibmeisters” in the country.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFKAssYpwug&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Why order two fountain pens? In journal writing, I will often switch back and forth between two pens, usually differing qualities of writing, or different colors. Thus I have differing inks and differing nibs on each pen. The clear, “Demonstrator”, so-called because it demonstrates the internal workings of the brass mechanism internal to this quality of and. As you can see, each part is labeled with laser marking. Demonstrators are manufactured in limited editions, thus are becoming increasingly rare.

But, the setup for makes them ideal for both journal and professional, clinical notes. Not only can I seem to be able to write endlessly, but I do so legibly.

Speaking of legibility, when the first pelican arrived, I found myself spending hours of third-grade cursive writing which I referred to as Pelikan Practice. Journals, it seems, are not only for good ideas, but good ideas that are presented legibly, and as works of art.

The more simply discovering two great fountain pens, I discovered The Fountain Pen Network, an organization of individuals who enjoy fountain pens. While some of them enjoy the process of writing with fountain pens and inks, others, enjoy creating journals with fountain pens. Still others, collect fountain pens, some are enamored with the brands, colors, or technical aspects of fountain pens, inks, and paper. Much of that is my current scope knowledge or interest, but what we all have in common is that we enjoy writing.

From the nearly 40,000 members worldwide, in The Fountain Pen Network I found individuals who not only write with fountain pens, write personal journals, write creatively, and, maintain blogs concerning their interests. David, the workshop assistant on the West Coast who "interviewed" me in gathering information regarding my writing style so John could more accurately assess how to grind this personalized nib, I discover, is also a playwright, and part-time actor in films. Another "David" lives close by and writes extraordinary reviews of inks under the pen name of “carpedavid.”
Blogspot blog : "Seize The Dave"

My interest in the Pelikan is not only brought me to the world's most finely crafted pens, but it's also put me in touch with an entirely new group of friends and associates that have enriched and broadened my view point and my experience.

Having written clinical notes for four decades, and personal journals for three, having used ball point pens, roller balls, markers, microns, and pencils, with the new Pelikan pen, hours of writing drift by as easily Sailor Jentle Blue ink flows from the golden nib onto the Moleskin paper.

From my journal pages, --...with fountain pens, finally, after getting the right combination, -- the pen, the nib, the ink, and the paper, - not only does the writing flow effortlessly, but thoughts flow without hesitation, resistance, or interference from the mind to the paper, the hand more faithfully reproduces what the mind thinks or the heart feels.

After He Leaves….

2011-07-23T20:27:00.000-04:00

“Without the verbal ballast of hearing a hundred words each weekend,

Words of assumptions, opinions, criticisms and judgements,

My self esteem grew to new heights,

My self confidence developed in new directions,

My desires re-emerged from the aridity of this relationship,

And my creativity blossomed like roses,

from a bare, pruned bush,

unfold with greater vibrancy, color, and fragrance.” -- name withheld.

How is it that women, more than men, make this adjustment to separations with such grace? When I listen to them, I hear……

“Each week, I take a walk with my best friend.”

“ Once a month, I get together with a few of my closest friends, we go out to dinner, we have a glass of wine, we talk, we laugh, sometimes we cry, we rag on our men,… but mostly, we laugh a lot. That is what helps me the most. And that is my attitude readjustment for the month.”

“Each year, the four of us take a long weekend together – a kind of vacation from our lives, our men and our kids. That I can still look forward to that time together helps me the most.”

Women’s acceptance, understanding, and compassion toward each other during these transitions provides a healing component that men, money, and therapy cannot. Grieving this loss fully, and not merely replacing, ( as men have historically been prone to do) allows for the new life to “blossom” in ways not previously possible.

Admitting error

2011-06-30T18:39:00.000-04:00

Recently, I had to admit to making an error in posting something to my blog that had not been sufficiently screened to ensure confidentiality. When someone pointed it out to me, I immediately admitted the error and removed that particular post from my blog. While no harm was done to any of the individuals involved, it did represent an oversight, an error on my part.

Admitting error seems to be a difficult process for some individuals. (and not just politicians or sports heroes.) I've found it difficult to maintain stable friendships with people who have great difficulty admitting error on their part, even for minor things.

Thirty years ago, as the new director of an agency, I walked into the office of the youngest supervisor to confront her on the data she had reported on a form I had just created.

“Where did you get this data?” I asked, “I cannot seem to match it up with the other units.”

“I lied.” She replied matter of factly, looking up from her desk.

“What? Why would you do that?” I said, stunned at the directness of her response.

“I didn’t understand your form, and I was afraid if I said that, you would be upset with me or think I was stupid. So I just lied.”

The, experience was a most disarming one. What you do when someone admits, “I lied.” It helped that she admitted she was afraid. Her honesty and vulnerability at that point made her human and understandable.

This five minute interaction taught me the benefit of readily admitting error and getting on with the business modifying the relationship so that future interactions will be a better place. In the process, a trust was established. That was the beginning an honest working relationship.

When we find that we are more concerned with our image and in being right, when we would rather be right than in a relationship, when we find it easier to be less that truthful, evasive, or to simply deny and project the blame, then we are in trouble, not only with others, but more troubling, with ourselves. We are living in a constant state of fear.

Want a new experience in relating to others? Admit error. Admit it openly, readily, and honestly. It can be a refreshing experience.

A new beginning in your relationships with others, and with yourself.

The Pen Junkie and the Holy Grail of Pens

2011-06-25T08:47:00.000-04:00

Through years of journal writing, one accumulates and an extensive array of pens. Every writing desk has a canister of pens; not a cup, but a canister. For a period of time, I will write with one kind and then shift to the next one. In the process of three morning pages, I will use at least two kinds of pens of different color; more if I am decorating the edges with a “Zander” tangle design.

Ball points, felt tips, roller balls, pencils, markers, drafting pens, highlighters, scissors, and fountain pens all vie for space in the crowded canisters.

From Cardin and Cross, to Micron and Pilot, from Sharpies to Staples to Staedtler, Tul to Uniball, on Zebra and Zig. From .01 Microns to 5.0 Calligraphy markers. From $2.00 to $40.00; the list continues. Pens, pencils and markers manufactured from Japan to Germany. But, most importantly, a full array of shades and intensity of color.

Lately, I have begun to enjoy the Cross Fountain pen, a generic medium fountain pen, but have always wanted a pen with a broader point, perhaps even an italic or calligraphic point. But a truly top quality pen. The calligraphy starter set I tried tended to dry quickly. Totally unsatisfying. After writing thousands of journal pages, my Sagittarian mind seeks the next best creative tool. In addition to having a sense of tradition, fountain pens lend themselves well for slower, deliberate, contemplative, meditative writing practices.

Researching the ‘best of the best’ of fountain pens, has led me on a quest for the holy grail of pens, a Pelikan M800. Quests become Obsessions. Not knowing anyone personally who owns a Pelikan M800, my obsession requires me to research online,.. daily. Also, I have begun gathering my hoarded gift monies and my credit card points toward the object of the quest.

Yes, I have been told great novels and treatises have been written with goose quills, or pencils. Undeterred, I’ve continued my quest.

Does that mean I will neglect all the pens sitting in my pencil wells? Do artists neglect their old brushes? Not for a moment. They provide the varying colors, textures and speed I need for writing in different situations. Even my pens must provide useful work if they are to keep their place in the canisters.

When a decade ago I invested in a burgundy, aniline leather chair, I thought it to be the most extravagant purchase I had made. But, it has immensely improved the quality of my daily life. I've never had any regrets about its purchase. So is my assumption about purchasing a top quality pen even though others may think me mad to spend $300+ on a fountain pen. And like the chair, I expect that in a decade from now, I will have no regrets about this purchase.

When the pen of my dreams arrives, I will post a photo and a review.

Where Have You Been???

2011-06-23T15:42:00.006-04:00

Where have you been?” some emails ask. "It has been a month since your last post.”

After three training trips, my travels are done for the summer. A return to normalcy and a rhythm prevails.

Training and Traveling. When I am in that mode, writing gets shoved to the side, overpowered by not only the demands of training workshops, but for the novelty of contrasting sounds, sights, smells, and experiences. The writing gets neglected like some pet that sits and awaits your arrival at home.

Travels provide contrasts that awaken the senses. The busy cacophony of traffic, cars, buses, trains – all of it in downtown Chicago, on a Friday at 5:30 pm is a jarring contrast to the tranquility of Frank Lloyd Wright’s Oak Park, or the nature trails of Oregon Ridge Park in Baltimore on a Saturday at 5:30.

I have experienced a skilled captain pilot an aircraft through stormy weather, and an unskilled copilot struggling with numerous power changes and turns to keep his speed and altitude at the required values enroute to O’Hare.

The sociability and laughter of Southwest passengers, even in a stormy flight seemed sweet in comparison to United’s staid crew and passengers, most of whom cast no glances at others sitting beside them, preferring to delve into books and electronics.

From the rear of the last shuttle bus ride came a raucous request from four men wanting to be dropped off at Lufthansa airline. Following their flight to Munich, three of them would head on to Amsterdam. This jovial quartet laughed and joked in three languages the entire way to the airport; one speaking in Deutsch, one in English, and two in Dutch. Yet, each clearly understood the other.

How great if this were a microcosm of our entire world!

For Sunday: The Pen Junkie and the Holy Grail of Pens

What is the Point of Keeping a Journal??

2011-05-22T18:41:00.002-04:00

What Is the Point of Journaling?

… you may ask. What is the point of spending time trying to write thoughts, ideas, and feelings on the page, particularly when it is hard to do so?

Rather than trying to convince you, let me present you with a listing of books that have been most helpful to me. The subtitles give some hint as to the value of keeping journals.

Life's Companion, Journaling as a Spiritual Quest by Christina Baldwin. First given to me by a client, this book has become one of my all time favorites. When Christina Baldwin began writing books on journaling, the Library of Congress needed to create a new category of listings. If you never write down one line, this book is still an excellent treatise on guidance for your spiritual quest. Having given away over a dozen of my copies of this book, I find it still to be the most inspiring book on journal writing.

In Walking in This World, The Practical Art of Creativity, Julia Cameron's finest book, she presents spirituality and creativity as inextricably interwoven. Having read nearly all of Julia Cameron's books on writing, I consider this to be the zenith of her writing and that of greatest depth. Thirteen chapters, with plenty of white space in the margin for scribbles or notes, this is an excellent book to for shared work with friends or groups.

Henriette Anne Klauser gives us a reason to write – not to record the past, but to record our hopes, wishes, and dreams in her Write It Down, Make It Happen. She presents the case for writing down the ‘What” of what we want, and letting the “How” appear later. This book, a quick read, gives an view of increasing the odd of manifesting what we want in our lives by the simple act of writing it down,... being sure to write down all the sensory details.

For anyone who has asks, what do you do with all those journals, Rosalie Deer Heart and Alison Strickland illustrate a method of reviewing journals and harvesting the "thought seeds" by extracting the important themes, events, and insights recorded in a journal. Not for the faint of heart, these two share their experiences as they commit to finding the worthwhile truths in their journal entries.

These are only four of the dozens of books on my selves that speak to the art of keeping a journal. Any of them, and any of the books listed in the appendix of these books can help you understand the value othes place on keeping a journal. But only by writing yourself through an event in your lifetime will you come to see the value it has for you.

Journals are not diaries of daily events, rather they are an expression of the self and the Self, a description of the internal life of the writer. Journal writing appears in the lives of most great leaders, especially spiritual leaders.

Writing is a way of connecting with the Inner Self and of leaving your mark on this earth as you pass through this lifetime.

How Many Journals Do You Need?

2011-05-03T21:04:00.001-04:00

Lest you think I have only "A Journal," let me share with you the varieties of journals that I may be keeping at one time. Just as some people have several books that they are reading at one time, I am writing in several journal formats at any point in time for different purposes. Let me count the ways.

1. Morning Pages Journal: Always, there is one primary "morning pages" Journal into which I enter anything from 1 to 3 pages most mornings. At the moment, I’m using a 9 x 12 sketchbook. No lines. Just blank pages.

2. Conferences and meetings notebook journal book, I keep one journal book that I take to conferences for notetaking my thoughts and observations about the conference material as well as other thoughts that crossed my mind in the middle of a meeting. The current Conference Journal is a 7 x 10 spiral bound notebook which has the added benefit of having lined pages on the left side and a blank page on the right side. That allows for organized notetaking as well as diagrams, doodles, and Zentangle art.

3. Waiting Room Journal: Yes, an elegant moleskin, with high quality paper, a gift from a dear friend, serves this purpose. This 5 x 7 notebook travels with me to waiting rooms: a doctor, a dentist, (or THE Ohio State School of Dentistry where the wait usually extends to multi-page writings). Waiting rooms is the one place one can count on waiting and not being disturbed. One day, I managed to write three pages while sitting in the ophthalmologist exam room chair waiting for the doctor’s arrival.

4. Dream Journal: A decade ago, I began a separate journal for dreams. Writing the dream themes into my Morning Journal gets them lost among many pages of other notes. For a dream journal I use a 6 x 9 spiral, hard cover notebook with a notation on the front as to its purpose. It lives on my reading stand waiting for the early morning writings.

5. Retreat Journal: made of totally recycled paper is used only for the yearly solitary wilderness retreats. The 9 by 7 journal fits into a one gallon freezer bag, protecting it from the elements of camping, and allows it to ride safely in backpacks and bicycle pack trips during these retreat weeks.

6. Computer journal: By taking 10 minutes to open a file, speak my mind, then save it as a password-protected document, I can go about my day without trying to process an emotionally charged event that continues to occupy my attention. The computer journal files stored in encrypted formats frees me from worries that information that needs to be private is kept private.

7. Relationship (Shared) Journal: A shared journal? Yes, after having entered into a second marriage a little over a year ago, it seemed important to me to have some venue in which each of us could share some of our thoughts about the relationship. It’s the small journal I pull out on Sunday morning to write one page concerning thoughts, observations, and future plans, hopes, wishes or dreams for the relationship. This small journal is where we place mementos of shared events i.e. theater tickets, restaurant souvenirs, etc. and, a sharing of things for which we have great gratitude.

8. This Blog: From My Chair: This blog, evolved out of a weekly Sunday morning ritual of writing some of my observations concerning my life and career as experienced from living on the sidelines of other people's lives as a therapist.

Hmm, I must be keeping Eight different forms of journals in recording my life. It just seems second nature to me at this point after having begun to write one penciled page a week 3 decades ago.

How can you find that much to write about in ordinary life?

When you write about your life, it does not seem so ordinary. You come to see your life with a greater sense of depth and richness. Additionally, you begin to see patterns, and symbols that are not apparent without taking the time to take note of the moment in which we exist.

The first line of the first journal.....

2011-04-17T10:10:00.005-04:00

The first line of the first journal in my journey of journals.

“That uneasiness that accompanied my 32nd birthday, that sadness, has not lifted. Like some intruder that follows me, keeping its distance, but yet never completely leaving. It has now been fifteen months, and it is still here.”

This opening line appears in a beige 5 by 7 journal written by P205 Pentel mechanical pencil in faint cursive, so faint one cannot easily decipher all the words in the sentence, in pencil, assuring the writer it could easily be erased.

My father’s death one year before my son’s birth had given me a death and a birth to ponder on the same calendar day. My annoyance at my father’s failure to share in my son’s arrival had complicated my grieving process. The journal became my private avenue for metabolizing the disquieting dialogues between my head and my heart.

For two years, this obscure journal lived hidden in my locked briefcase, brought into the open only for weekly penciled entries. In these two years, I managed to write my way through this grieving process, but began to adopt a more realistic approach to my life , marriage, career, and relationships.

One of the last entries begins….. “ I no longer criticize my friends for making unwise choices for their lives – at least they act on some options. I do not always do as much.”

We cease blaming others and shift our focus on our own reactions to the world. We shift our focus to our internal world no longer the external world. Then, we begin to understand that it's not what happens to us but how we respond and how we think about what happens to us that determines the quality of our life. Journaling has helped me sort this out over the past few decades.

So, where does this all lead? Is it not all just some self-absorbed whining about one's life? Yes, perhaps, but that is where we all begin. It's where we start our journals.

In writing what is most impactful and important in our lives, we give a voice to feelings and perceptions, to the demons that torment us, and to the hopes, wishes and dreams that daily manifest before us. That is where it starts. It can start with timid sentences scrawled onto scraps of paper; sentences that can become blogs, or books, or bestsellers, not by design, but by evolution.

Next – using different journals and journal formats…

The End of A Love Affair

2011-04-10T17:24:00.002-04:00

From my morning journal, April 1, 2011, 6:55 am. Friday

"My love affair with my new technology, like most love affairs, has taken me on a fascinating detour from my life. Reading of other’s lives has replaced my journal writing which has been my morning meditative practice for over 3 decades. The new technology has taken me away from my focus within; from the guidance of my inner being, from my Soul Center.

Technology makes it all too easy for me to live on the sidelines of life, watching others live out their dreams. While I may envy them, or even judge them, yet I sit and watch them whether it be spectator sports, news, or facebook.

My affair with this new technology is now over; the crush I had on my new Android has now subsided to a place of maturity. I have learned that technology needs to serve us as a great resource and not be seen as an American Idol to be dutifully worshiped. Technology allows the drama of other people's lives to unthinkingly intrude into my thought life, hijacking my own creativity and energy."

Beginning each day by coming to the page and placing pen to paper has been my morning meditative moment. Thirty minutes of meditative writing shifts the focus from how others live their lives to what I want in my life.

If we are to live the life we are meant to live, then we must live it fully, We begin by asking ourselves, “What do I want?,” “What do I desire?” and “What would bring joy into my life?”

Now, the return to the blank page asks me to go inside, find some inner experience, question, thought or insight to place on the page. (just like artists, poets, painters, and writers)

Writing from the inner world is a process that allows my inner guidance to be heard. Returning to the journal each morning is simply a way of calling to the inner guides,(my software wrote ‘guys) , "I am here. I am ready to hear.”

My morning journal pages reconnect me to the well of spirituality that can flow into my thought life, permeating and coloring the perceptions of my ordinary life which no longer appears so ordinary. Most importantly, writing helps me keep the drama of my life on the page rather than in my relationships.

In the weeks ahead, I'm writing a series of posts describing my experiences of journaling in various places, purposes, and formats over the past three and half decades.

Often, I can tell my clients, “In the long run, journaling can be your best therapist, years after you stop coming to see me.” Just as it takes many years to "grow good tai chi, or have yoga be our meditative practice, so it takes years to develop this same relationship with the journal process.

Next week, the first line of my first journal…

Falling in Love With my Technology.

2011-03-20T11:56:00.003-04:00

In the last two months, I have entered into two new relationships; one being with an Android smartphone, the other being with a dual core, dual monitor computer system.

I have had a mobile phone for my business since Sprint introduced the bag phones that plugged into the car lighter socket allowing me to talk while on in the vehicle. That was before cell phones, the size of a small brick, were considered portable.

Six weeks ago, I divorced my Blackberry Storm after a 20 month relationship that can be truly characterized as “stormy”. Imagine, a relationship with someone named ‘Storm”! What was I thinking? We never got along. I never learned to work with her.

Then, in February, a Droid X came into my life. My hands were all over her for this first month, exploring all the quirks, nuances and capabilities she had. Although it has taken a month to understand her ways, we are now partners. Not since Seven of Nine of Star Trek fame have I been taken by such a piece technology.

Yesterday, Mike installed a new ‘dual core’ processor computer into the network system at the office, setting it up with two monitors. Wow!. I love this! Just like in NCIS LA, I can drag an item from one screen to the other, and back again. Dual monitors, or dueling monitors, whatever I want.

Being such a visual person, needing more visual reminders as I have gotten older, the new system lets me take down all the taped lists and sticky notes from the edges of my monitor place them in the monitor. That gives me greater privacy, and the sticky notes won’t fall off.

What is it with us men that allows us to so easily fall in love with something that serves us so well, unquestioningly, and asks so little of us in return? Is that is our relationship style? No wonder men are upset that Verizon is dropping the “new every two” provision in its contracts.

It is difficult at times to remember the objective of all this technology is to make my life or work more efficient and creative. But, like other men, I can find myself falling in love with the hardware rather than its primary function.

Hmm……Falling in love with an object. I guess all our egos can do that, no matter what gender. Maybe, we just seem to choose different objects.

Bridging the Religious Chasm in Your Relationship.

2011-03-06T13:55:00.001-05:00

How is it that one approaches issues of spirituality in marriage counseling sessions? Are these questions not best handled by a minister, priest, or religious elder? Perhaps. Perhaps, when the topic is a theological or doctrinal question.

But my focus develops a communication process for a couple that not only brings clarity, but also a communication style that reflects their stated religious or spiritual beliefs. This is only a first step in a process that the couple will return to periodically during their partnership.

First, I want each individual to share what he/she remembers about their spiritual training as a youngster. What do you remember about what your church, your parents, or your grandparents taught you about religion, or spirituality in your growing up.? What was it that you were taught as a child?

What was your church or synagogue, or temple experience?

How have you modified some of those original beliefs as you have grown and have had new experiences? What part of your original teachings do you still carry or that bring you comfort in difficult times? What experiences and relationships have helped you rethink and reshape your own beliefs? Are there events, specific events that have had a major impact upon shifting your notions of spirituality?

Do you currently have any spiritual or religious practices, either weekly, or daily? How much are your religious or spiritual teachings of part of your daily thought life, or a part of your daily decision-making.?

How easy is it for you to express to your partner what your spiritual or religious views are? What is most central and most important to you?

How well do you believe that you understand your partner views and what is most central to them? What is your understanding as to the differences and the areas of agreement the two of you have on your views of religion or spirituality?

At this early point in the process, I am not stressing agreement or compromises; just a clarity of understanding.

Secondly, I want to know how much the couple’s views overlap, and how much is separate. How much emotion is attached to these differences? How much does each of them desire to find that common ground? Can the each focus on what is the common ground? Or are they fixated on the differences?

Does their approach to this discussion, how each of them conducts themselves, reflect their stated spiritual beliefs? How compassionate can they each be when it comes to tolerating differences?

And, most importantly, how much is the quality of compassion a part of their daily thought life?

Developing this dialogue process, helping each of the partners to describe the nature of their internal beliefs gives the couple a way of connecting during critical crisis moments in the years to come as they face unexpected events or experiences.

That is what makes this issue important part of marriage counseling sessions.

Spirituality Unites, Religion Divides

2011-03-02T11:18:00.006-05:00

Increasingly, couples, not only young couples, but also couples who are facing a second or third marriage, ask for counseling with issues of differing religious beliefs as one of the primary places of disagreement. Here are some brief thoughts on this matter.

Couples who grew up in differing faiths or even different Christian denominations cannot long ignore the issues that will inevitably arise when the subject of children comes along.

For those who have never thought through the differences between religion and spirituality, these dialogues evoke feelings of frustration, misunderstanding or tension.

As ‘religion and politics’ are those two topics we have been told to avoid for social gatherings lest conflicts arise, in relationships, religion is the one of these two that needs clarity and understanding if the couple is to proceed.

The quote from the New Testament, John 14:6 and “I am the way...” is often interpreted by church denominations as ‘our way is the true way.” (See Jesus-is-Lord.com “Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to God”)

Dictionary.com gives the following definition:
Religion as “a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects” i.e., the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion."
Spiritual as “standing in a relationship based on communication between the souls or minds of the persons involved: i.e. a spiritual father." (Emphasis added)

Hmm. Rules or Relationship? Differing approaches entirely, involving different parts of the brain. A “masculine” and a “feminine” perspective.

How do I incorporate discussions of religious beliefs and spirituality into my psychotherapy practice? In my next post, I will review some of the more common issues and my approaches to them.

Making the Best Use of Your Therapy Session.

2011-02-24T10:29:00.001-05:00

How to make the best use of your therapy sessions.

For those of you who want to make the most effective use of your therapy sesssions, here are a few suggestions that have been helpful for some clients.

1. Arrive early to settle into a calm, thoughtful mood.

2. Consider using a small spiral bound notebook to:
     - write an aganda for your session.
     - record some thoughts, feelings, or questions.
     - track events of the week.
     - record the suggestions made in sessions.

3. Consider writing your thoughts to the following questions:
     "What do I want to have happen as a result of therapy?"
     "How might my life be different after therapy?"

4. Ask questions of your therapist.

5. Between sessions, review what was discussed and recommended in your last meeting.

6. Try out some of the suggestions made by your therapst.

By taking a more active approach, and viewing it as a joint venture, your therapy can become not only a problem solving session, but a transformative experience leading you to a better quality of life.

Solitude and Creativity

2011-01-16T17:49:00.008-05:00

A recent period of enforced solitude brought me back to thoughts of centering, introspection, sleep, dreams and the link to creativity.

Completing numerous year-end business tasks, and developing plans for the new year, left little time for quiet, introspective solitude during the past six weeks. My writing and Zentangle practice had been ignored. Finally, the universe forced solitude upon me in the form of flu symptoms that require horizontal quietness, sleep and dreams. During lucid moments, reading was an option.

In some of those half-asleep/half awake lucid dream moments, my mind pondered the connection between solitude and creativity.

During these moments, I often return to books I've already read, finding previously underlined passages in familiar chapters my favorite authors.

SOLITUDE, A Return to the Self, by Anthony Storr gives memorable quotes which I'd underlined during a previous episode of enforced solitude. I would like to share some of them.

"The capacity to be alone thus becomes linked with self-discovery and self realization; with becoming aware of one's deepest needs feelings and impulses."
"No man ever will unfold the capacities of his own intellect who does not at least checker his life with solitude."--De Quincey
"The act of drawing sharpens the perceptions of the Draughtsman; an idea passionately advanced by Ruskin If naming things is the first creative act, as Bazin alleges, perhaps drawing is the second."
"This is not healing through insight, nor through making a new and better relationship with another person, nor even to solving particular problems, but healing by means of an interchange of attitudes."

"… Maslow realizes that the creative attitude and the ability to have peak experiences depends upon being free of other people; free, especially, from the neurotic involvements, from historical hangovers from childhood, but also free of obligations, duties, fears and hopes."

Wordsworth. "The Prelude"

“When from our better selves we have too long
Been parted by the hurrying world, and droop,
Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired,
How gracious, how benign, is solitude."

Friday at 4:00 pm is one year to late!

2011-01-09T17:16:00.015-05:00

Friday at 4 PM is one year too late!

"Do you do marriage counseling?" a male voice asks; the desperation and fear evident in his delivery.

"Yes, I do." I respond.

“My wife just told me she wants a divorce. I think we need some marriage counseling right away. Can you see us this weekend?”

Perhaps once a month I get such a telephone call on a Friday afternoon between 3 and 6 PM.

What I want to say is the following: “Sir, you may be a year or two too late in making this telephone call. She has been thinking of this for at least a year. It’s that she is just now telling you. “

“No, she started having an affair a month ago. That is why she is leaving me.” The husband continues.

What I want him to know is what I have learned over the years: Wives do not get up some morning and say to themselves, “Today, I think I will have sex with someone new and different.”

Instead, I say to them, “ If you did no maintenance on your vehicle, but ran it as long an no red lights come on the dash, what do you suppose it would mean for your vehicle when the red lights finally all come on at the same time?”

After a pregnant pause, the caller responds, “I guess it means I have let it go too long and now something really bad has gone wrong.”

“ Yes,” I reply, “ it may have been more than a year or more since that this has relationship has been drifting. “

“But she has not been complaining. We have not been fighting this past year. “

“That tells me when it was a year ago when she gave up on the relationship.”
“Should I make an appointment, even if she does not want to come?”

“Yes,” I suggest, “It is important that you learn some things in the process of this divorce. Otherwise, you will need to learn them in your next divorce.”

Men confuse a lack of conflict with having a peaceful relationship. Teaching men the process of doing maintenance on their relationships, just as they do on their vehicles or with their weekly business meetings is part of the divorce counseling process.

Five Weeks of Yoga Classes

2010-12-18T11:46:00.011-05:00

Why yoga classes? If I recommend some activity for my clients, I want to have had some direct experience of that activity. Otherwise, it seems phony to not have “walked my talk.” Having heard many clients complain about their yoga instructors, I wanted to see how class with this instructor would feel to one of my clients.

Julie is a yoga instructor I met at a psychiatrist’s open house held to market the practice as an ‘integrative approach’ to the whole person. As I unrolled my yoga mat at the first class, I noted that I was the oldest, and the only male in the class.

Julie greeted us, dressed in a yoga ‘uniform’, conservative, all black, form fitting attire worn by instructors in the yoga videos I had already watched and tried to imitate in the privacy of my TV room. Unlike the DVD presentations, her background music from an iPod docking station, created a soft, gentle atmosphere.

Sitting on a mat, on a hardwood floor, with bare feet, felt harder than the soft carpeting of the TV room, but afforded a secure footing for standing poses. The stretching was tedious at times, trying to pretzel my body into a pose that began to resemble what the instructor was showing and describing in her soft voice.
Near the end of the first class, I felt myself drifting off to lucid dream sleep; my mind wanting to go to dreamland, not the reality of the world around me.

Each succeeding class went better, as I learned from Julie to only take the stretches as far as my body would comfortably move. That was helpful.

Each succeeding class left me with a better frame of mind, more relaxed and feeling refreshed, but gave me a difficulty in making the mental shift to task orientation as I returned to my office for the remaining two hours left in the workday.

By the fourth class, I found myself in such an altered state upon leaving the class. Seeing the world with visual clarity, heightened sensory awareness, and feeling like walking was a gliding process….a ‘high’ of sorts.

By the fifth class, which included ‘chair work’, I had become accustomed to that endpoint in the stretch that I could hold with just the right amount of tension that could be sustained for the two minutes of a pose.

The classes ended, with Julie taking a break for the holidays.

Now, I know the how the experience of yoga, much like meditation classes, when done on a regular basis, following an instructors lead, leads to that altered, intuitive state, one more pathway to that state in which one makes better choices with less fear and anxiety.

A state in which one feels more connected to others, and lives with a sense of awe, gratitude and wonder at what the universe brings to us in our ordinary daily experienced day.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

2010-11-28T11:56:00.004-05:00

Each year, I go to the woods with a chainsaw to cut firewood. Later, returning with a hydraulic woodspitter, to split the pieces, stack them in the sun to dry for a year before bringing them home to restack for the winter. A seeming mundane physical task men have done since early days of caves and fires.

Being in an office each day, I do need outdoors and physical intensity for balance in my life. One of the ways I maintain some balance in my life is to work outside at some mundane task

For me, making firewood serves to balance my life, as well as provide a cozy fire in my backyard and in my home. Sitting in front of a warm fire, as I write this post, gives inspiration and a warm atmosphere to the entire room and house.

“Why spend so much time and energy doing all that? You would be ahead working and simply buying the wood.” someone may comment. Financially, yes, I would be “ahead,” but not physically, emotionally, or spiritually. (It is so easy for some to measure the value of life in financial numbers. )

I do it for the same reason some people run, workout, play guitars, draw, sketch, paint, make Zentangle art, play competitive sports, ride horses, do beading, quilting, and other artistic home crafts, These all have their origins in ancient civilizations.

I do it for balance and for expression of some deep internal impulse.

While civilization has shielded men and women from much drudgery of past centuries, we can yet reconnect with our primal roots and our souls through creative/expressive forms that are symbols of our ancestors.

Rick Fields wrote his best seller, Chop Wood, Carry Water, based on a well known Buddhist quote, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” Here an ancient Buddhist saying conveys the spiritual value of seeming mundane physical tasks when done as a mindful ritual.

As much as spiritual rituals of today’s religions, these activities are in some way spiritual rituals for the doing of them reconnects us with a deeper part of us that is embedded in our very souls.

We are not just chopping wood, making art, or writing stories. We are connecting with the Source energy of our very souls that provides healing, inspiration, and compassion for ourselves and all others in our world.

Writing a First Novel

2010-11-06T09:34:00.005-04:00

I have begun writing my first novel. My friend Judi tells me that each November there is a national challenge of writing a novel in one month. The challenge is that of writing 50,000 words in one month; 1,667 per day toward a new novel. The goal is to complete a first draft, even a messy one; the editing and rewriting can come later.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Why would I do that? For the same reason I began my first Yoga class last Thursday. For the same reason I learn a new German word each day on my iGoogle home page. For the same reason I do Zentangle art. And for the same reason, that in the past, I have learned to do meditation and tai chi, to fly an airplane and a hang glider.

Sometimes it helps to put oneself in the place of a beginner; to do something one knows that one cannot do well at the beginning. Sometimes it helps to challenge oneself to complete a task that seems so daunting at the beginning, one questions one’s sanity. A creative challenge stretches the mind and imagination that can never go back to its original size.

To start at a beginning, a place of innocence, no blame, is being a beginner traveling in a foreign land. These journeys make my life richer, giving me a sense of confidence and mastery. But, the journeys also bring me a sense of humility. For me, these are the journeys into a great sense of awe and appreciation for the abilities of others whose creative work I consume each day and often take for granted.

Judi is a published author who teaches creative writing classes. She is way ahead of me in this venture. I struggle to keep with the daily writing pace. Today is day 6 of the journey. I need only concern myself with today’s goal by writing one sentence at a time, just as Zentangle art is made “one stroke at a time.”

The novel will take care of itself; it will write itself into what form it wants. My place is to stay in my beginner role each day as I sit and write each next sentence as it comes to me.

The goal of this journey is not to win, but to enjoy the experience, and to finish well.

Athletics- 5 ways it gives women an advantage

2010-10-22T09:55:00.008-04:00

Providing employee assistance services for corporations for over 20 years has enabled me to make some observations of how athletics, in junior or senior high school levels help women in both their business and personal lives. This is particularly true for women in management positions. Both in sessions, and in corporate consultations, I routinely ask women about any background in athletics during their adolescent development.

How does it help them? I have seen five ways in which the participation in athletics directly relates to benefits later on in their lives.

First of all whenever personal crises, addictive habits, or a job burnout creates difficulty with mood and energy, a woman who has previously been in athletics, can return to that part of her life's discipline as a way to you begin to get unstuck and recover from this difficulty. They remember the experience of a workout which leaves them pleasantly fatigued, perspiring. Then after experiencing a cleansing shower, getting dressed, the world looks better to them. That is when an individual's brain chemistry is at its best.

Secondly, the experience of putting aside personal differences to work together as a part of a team with other women toward some common goal translates well later on when group projects require teamwork without seeing every other woman as a competitor.

Too often, I have observed women's management styles emulate that of mothers bossing children, giving two kinds of feedback to subordinates – none and negative. The experience of relating to coaches and being coached translates into a management style that provides coaching, teaching, mentoring, encouragement, as well as a matter-of-fact focus on performance expectations. Lack of performance is not seen as a personal affront, but a challenge the subordinate must master.

Being able to push through the hard places in life is a fourth benefit from athletic experiences. There are two sports, more than the others, which breed a certain mental discipline and toughness for experiences later in life: Track and swimming.

“Why these two sports?” you ask. Think of what is involved in the training; hours of solitude, without applause or encouragement, pushing yourself to do your personal best.

Your body says, “This is really getting uncomfortable. I want to quit.”
But your mind overrides the body with, "You will not quit. You will keep going. You are not quitting before you're done.”

Later in life, this experience helps women see themselves through difficulties in both their career and family situations, helping them to push through and finish projects that others would simply neglect or give up on.
Body image issues are greatly minimized when an athlete has spent a time in dialogue with her own body through training and participation in sports. Later on, it makes it much easier for her to return to this dialogue through workout activities in a more productive and friendly way rather than seeing it as a negative contested struggle against her own body.

In my work with families and adolescents, I do promote the notion that it is important for girls at this age to experience some form of athletic endeavor. It pays great mental, physical and psychological benefits for the rest of their lives.

Getting Unstuck – differences between women and men.

2010-10-14T10:46:00.000-04:00

Inertia – that sense of stuckness that plagues us all from time to time- is a common complaint for clients that want a better life. Inertia is a term that comes from physics describing the motion, or non-motion, of a body of mass. Newton’s first law of motion states, “A body at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.”

“I know what I should be doing, but I just can’t seem to make myself get up and do it.” Or “There are so many things I need to pay attention to, I just don’t know where to start.”

Usually, my approach for men is different from that of women.

For men, the most common approach is to get them to begin by organizing, or clearing up, or caring for some of the spaces in their lives. This can include their vehicle,(usually a good place for them to start), their home office, yard, garage, tools, or even just their sock drawer. To have men organize and care for some territory they have acquired or reign over touches some more primitive masculine archetypal place in the psyche. To master some these neglected areas frees up energy for other tasks. So for many men, it is a great symbolic place to start.

For women, whose focus is more on “inner space” and relatedness, the approach to stuckness is often to return the focus to the relationship with the body. This becomes one of the primary relationships for women when separating from the mother. To become one’s own mother requires conscious focus for it is too easy to neglect adequately nurturing all of what the body and soul needs in the process of attending to the needs of the others in one’s life.

“Start with your body.” is what I often tell women. “Begin by focusing on the relationship with your own body.” That can include paying attention to everything the body needs including proper rest and sleep. It includes making conscious choices as to everything you put into your body; water, oxygen, food, drink, men, nutrients, etc. “Start here.” is my mantra for most women.

Movement, physical movement, for everyone is essential. Walking outside is usually my preferred place to start - in nature. Outside light is the best antidote for what some describe as “Seasonal Affective Disorder

Newton’s second law of motion, “ A body in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force” now comes into play. Mastering just one fundamental task energizes the whole being to take on the next best challenge.

.”

Yes, Newton, the world has speeded up for everyone.

2010-10-03T10:19:00.002-04:00

“Yes, Newton, the world has speeded up for everyone. And, No, Newton, you will not get it all done.”

This is what I tell the businessman and his assistant in the hall as we stop to chat this week.

“People in all walks of life are having that same experience. They feel just like you do. Their “to do” list grows each week. They complain of working longer hours just to keep up the demands of the job. Whoever they answer to expects more of them. “

The trend of ever increasing work demands seems particularly true for those working in the private sector or self employment. (For some reason, those employed by government either complain less or are immune to this trend.)

Another trend I have noted in my practice, that people more frequently complain that life comes at them with emotionally charged events, at a pace faster than they can metabolize. When this occurs both in their personal and work life, anxiety, irritability, burnout, and depression follow. Health issues appear from inadequate attempts to calm the inner turmoil. Friendships suffer. People no longer play. Couples no longer take time for bonding between just the two of them. Sex becomes one more item on a ‘should get this done’ list.

A number of authors – “channelers”, they are called, - began, at about the same time, writing after the “harmonic convergence” of 1988 that as we move through this 25 year period of 1988 to 2012 ( the last nanosecond in a 25,000 year cycle) that every few years it would seem that events come to us with greater speed. That we would have less time to sit and process them before the next event or experience would be upon us. ( More to come on this topic later in this week.)

In noting the seeming effect of someone having dialed up the ‘speed dial’ on the world, and each year, time moving faster, people are more in need of paying attention to what is takes to adapt to this shift in their lives.

Over the next few posts, I will discuss some of my thoughts on what this shift means and how to adapt more effectively.

For now: Each day, take time to stop. Engage in some meditative activity. It is essential. Some activity that has the ability to ground you in time and space, holding you to the present moment.
Draw, sketch, Zentangle, write a poem,( anything from free verse to limericks to haiku will work), All of these are creative activities that slow the mind and body; helping up go inward and downward, to a place of safety and sanctuary.

We cannot slow the pace of the outer world or its events, but we can influence the pace of our inner world, and thus our personal world.

Coming Back to the Center

2010-09-28T07:31:00.014-04:00

Coming back to the writing life after a period of weeks getting caught up on the office work from having been away on retreat, life begins to resume some sense of normality. The predawn thunderstorm that came through here two hours ago did remind me of how much safer it feels to in one’s home than out in nature at such times.

A return to my morning ritual of journal writing brings back a sense of harmony to life, no matter how much the demands of work life may intrude into one’s thought life. Writing, walking, weights, and water, all in increased amounts is what is takes to realign my body, mind, psyche and soul.

Learning what it takes to regain balance and perspective in life, so as not to get so far afield that one loses perspective, has, at times, been a challenge. Learning not only what it takes, but then actually doing it, has been one of the keys to continued growth and richness of my life.

A belief that has been a part of my personal and professional life is the following: If one can develop just one ritual, discipline, or practice that is done daily to quiet the mind and bring one back to a sense of centeredness, one can always add other daily practices later. Being true to that one practice can have a transformational effect on our lives.

Returning to my practices, no matter how long I have been away from them, always feels like returning home. Feeling safe in the midst of a thunderstorm.

The Annual Retreat

2010-09-12T11:55:00.000-04:00

It was a dark and stormy night…..

Tuesday, September 8, 2010, New Moon night.

It was a dark and stormy night at the campground. Winds blew the rain sideways as it whistled through the valley. Two camping groups took down their tents and left the campground. Two tents that remained unattended bobbed about in the wind like helium balloons tethered to the ground by one stake. A golden retriever huddled behind the front wheel on the downwind side of the truck awaited the arrival of two bike riders who would not be returning until after the storm.

In less than an hour, the wind and rain stopped. The bike riders returned to give comfort to their pet and to re-attach their tents to the earth. As blue patches of sky soon appeared over the treetops in the west, three news helicopters flew overhead at low altitude; a hint that something ominous had occurred nearby. The park ranger who came by later to check on the camp ground indicated he had heard on his radio that a tornado had touched down a few miles east of the park.

September 12, 2010, Sunday morning,

By contrast, the remainder of the retreat gave clear skies, sunshine, and cool nights, making for ideal hiking weather and nighttime campfires.

Taking this annual retreat alone has been a way to reconnect with nature and to the body and soul. It has been an annual time of taking stock of my lifestyle. And it is the annual time of re-visioning what I intend for the focus of my life in the following year – what is to be made more central, and what will allowed to be more peripheral.

A retreat journal I have been keeping for the past five years is always kept in a Ziploc bag to protect it from changing weather conditions. Using it only for this retreat time gives me an opportunity to review the past year; looking over last year’s comments, reflecting on changes that I had made commitments to change, and noting how some things in life seem to take longer to shift.

Six days of retreat allows one to catch one’s breath, like taking a breather upon reaching a plateau in a day of hiking, stopping to take a cool drink and downing some nourishment. More than any other quality, it is Gratitude which overwhelms me at such times. The moments are brief and transcendent, whether sitting on a rock along the river, looking out on all directions from the top of an 80 foot fire tower.

It is these moments of reconnection to the Great Divine Mystery that makes this retreat an annual time of personal and spiritual renewal.

Creative Couples: How do they find each other?

2010-08-29T09:23:00.001-04:00

Four questions: How do they find each other? What happens when they do? How do they develop this relationship? How do they keep it vibrant and alive for so many years with an energy that is almost palpable when the couple enters the room?

Having been on the sidelines watching thousands of couples, my observation is that the few that bear the hallmarks of “creative couples” distinguish themselves from others when it comes to answering these four questions.

MEETING: Never do they go in search of a “soul mate”. For the most part, they are not ‘searching’ when they meet the other.

Most commonly, the two have known each other for some time, often in some other capacity in which pre-existing boundaries existed for at least one or the other. Even at this early stage of knowing the other, one of them usually has a sense of being fascinated or being drawn to the other. This "fascination" takes the form of an admiration for some spiritual, intellectual, or creative capacity that one sees in the other.

More uncommon, is a chance meeting which defies statistical odds; a chance meeting in which many variables all had to fall into place for this meeting to occur. Often, I find myself asking the couple, “What are the statistical odds of the two ended up at the same point in time and space?”

THE SHIFT: For couples, in which the parties have known each other for some time, there comes a point in which the relationship suddenly makes a turn. The couple seems to shift their focus from being side-by-side focused on some joint, common interest, to facing each other, and beginning some dialogue on shared personal lives and feelings.

Once this shift transpires, the relationship takes on degree of familiarity and intimacy in seemingly short order, as if the relationship has been one that has been resumed by two individuals who had previously been friends.

The two people often comment about their early physical intimacy as the experience of "coming home" to the place that they have been seeking. "This is home."

EARLY RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS:

Couples usually report that at the beginning of their relationship is marked by continuous, long spans of time together in which there is nearly continuous dialogue. There is a sense of fusion, with little separation.

At three months into the relationship, if you were to ask the couple, "How long does it seem the two of you have actually been together?" they would both agree, that it seems much, much longer than the three months they have been together. This significant distortion of time is one of the hallmarks of these couples.

RELATIONSHIP VITALITY:

Rather than this relationship existing simply for the enjoyment and happiness of these two individuals, creative couples often find that their relationship remains most vital when several of the following occur:

- Each of the parties must continue their own spiritual, psychological, and creative development.

- The relationship is seen as an arena in which each presses the other to be the best they can be. Each feels that they are better with the other’s presence, encouragement, challenges and support than they could be on their own.

- Most importantly, this relationship must serve some function outside of its own self-interest in order to remain vital and true to the gift and the mandated mission of the relationship.

The blog posts on creative couples has been an idea that has been in my mind for over a decade. I write this knowing that it will articulate, and thus validate, some of the feelings and notions of the many creative couples who currently are in these relationships.

Preparing for the Annual Retreat.

2010-08-26T21:07:00.005-04:00

For those of you who do not know me, this is the time of year I attend to my annual ritual of a solitary retreat, taking my tent camper to an empty state park campground for the week. When I arrive late on Labor Day Monday, the campers are gone, the dumpsters are spilling over with trash, and only raccoons or cats scavenging for food can be seen in the campground.

A friend of mine remarked, “How can you spend a week by yourself? The most I have ever done is one day.”

After spending the mornings meditating and writing in the retreat journal, it is time to take a 3 hour hike on trails through woods and steep terrain. After an early dinner, I settle by the campfire or the river to read until dark, then retiring to sleep until the herons awaken me. (When I say dark, I mean dark, -- moonless, no electricity, stars only, dark. )

The retreat is an annual ritual; a time without human contact, a time to read, write and reflect on the life I have watched and lived over the past year.

“The life which is unexamined is not worth living.” Plato noted a few years ago.

Listening to the inner dialogue on retreat helps me find meaning in this life.

Creative Couples: What happens when two creatives meet?

2010-08-22T10:55:00.002-04:00

What are the characteristics of creative couples?

Periodically, I find in my practice, couples who consist of two people, each gifted in their own way in some physical, spiritual, psychological or creative way, who managed to find each other. While not totally rare, it is uncommon.
Over the past two decades, as my brain does its pattern recognition, I begin to build my own list of characteristics for "these couples" (I don't really know what to call them). In these next few blog posts, I want to begin to describe these creative couples; their characteristics, how they meet, their early relationship, and their relationship style.

CHARACTERISTICS: Here is a list of some common traits shared by these couples.

- each of the persons seems to have been on their own sojourn, or journey, often feeling that they a bit of a wanderer on some solo sojourn, searching for someplace, or person.

- each of the persons often is involved in their own spiritual or creative development; often having some form of regular ritual.

- at least one the persons, usually has had the experience of being the one that is estranged, different, "orphaned", or in some respects, separate from others in their family of origin.

- usually, at least one and sometimes, both of their lines of psychological, or career development is nontraditional, often being different from that of others within the family.

- developmentally, one or both of them have a relatively androgynous personality, that is, having interests and abilities that range along a broad continuum of characteristics we traditionally ascribe as either masculine or feminine.

- for one, or both, it is a subsequent marriage/partnership. It is rare for both parties to have this is their first marriage or partnership arrangement.

- significant age differential between the two parties is not uncommon; in fact, more likely to be the rule than the exception, with 7 to 14 years being the most common age span.

- couples of this nature, carry with them an energetic, auric field around the two of them that is noticeable whenever they appear at social functions. Their presence, or absence, is noticeable. They bring a noticeable energy to the group by their shared presence; an energy that neither of them brings on their own.

Next: How do they find each other? What is the early part of the relationship like for them? How do they keep their relationship vital?

Giftedness = Intensity, Complexity and Drive

2010-08-14T15:44:00.003-04:00

Intensity, Complexity, and Drive are three primary words attributed to gifted adults in Mary-Elaine Jacobsen's The Gifted Adult, one of the most readable of all books on giftedness. Her extensive research also uncovers an additional element in all gifted individuals, children and adults: Altruism. Altruism, a kind of humanitarian vision along with a sense of Mandated Mission in life that is not taught to the individual but seemingly inherent in their temperament or DNA.

Living with Intensity by Susan Daniels, PhD is a compilation of 15 chapters of perhaps the most detailed and technically written research on giftedness, detailing the best of the best research in the past decade.

Three words emerge from these researchers; Intensity, Sensitivity, and Excitability. The researchers explore not only intensity but the emotional sensitivity and excitability or (inspire-ability) of artists.

Painter Amanda Dunbar: "Artists are inherently sensitive and emotional creatures. This is compounded when that artist is in childhood or adolescence. The very characteristics that are needed to create art can make hurtful issues even more difficult to deal with... As I mature, I am becoming more and more grateful for my earlier difficulties and challenges they give me a clear vision and a foundation to stand on in regard to who I am as a person and who I am as an artist."

The author of Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential", Marylou Kelly Streznewski notes that while many gifted adults make outstanding contributions to society but "there are large numbers of frustrated gifted adults who do not find outlets for their potential. The author looks at a number of issues that affect how people realize accounts or fail to do so.

If you grew up feeling different from others in your family, or your classmates, it may be because you ARE different. Reviewing any of these three books will help you understand the ways in which "being different” can be a challenge as well as a gift. The authors help find ways to make the best use of what you have been given.

Streznewski comments, "One of the biggest aspects of it is to convince yourself that you are entitled to this, that your creativity is important... I was well into my 30s before I gave myself permission."

It is never too late.

Soon: Gifted Couples

Characteristices of Gifted Adults and Adolescents

2010-08-09T08:30:00.003-04:00

In my conversations with gifted adults, often their focus is on what they have not yet mastered, not on what their giftedness has brought them. They recognize that they have an intelligence most around them do not possess, or a knowledge base others do not have, or a view of the world that others do not share.

That they cannot easily have a dialogue with others concerning their world view, breeds a sense of loneliness, and frustration and futility. The lack of a relationship they see ‘ordinary people’ taking for granted almost angers them. For the first time, they bump up against something that they, of themselves, cannot master. The sense of powerlessness is unnatural.

Their sense of the relationship challenge is not unlike couples with infertility issues seeing “‘everyone else is pregnant”.

“If it’s up to me, I can make it happen.” is usually the mantra of the gifted adult. But in the matter of relationships, one person, no matter how gifted, cannot make it happen.

The solitude and aloneness breeds sense of isolation, alienation, and loneliness. A low grade depression creeps into their lives, leaving them often in a state of edginess in their social relationships, or on the verge of tears in their solitude. It is this uncomfortable emotional dilemma that often drives them to seek therapy.

A part of my job as a therapist is to help them understand who they truly are; all of the advantages, and the disadvantages they have. I also want to give them some understanding of the statistically minority of which they are a part that makes communication and relationships challenging for them.

Three books, published in the past decade, more than others I have been able to locate give some of the best findings of research into the characteristics of giftedness of adults and children. In the next post, I will cover the key concepts of these three books.

What is this Giftedness about?” Parents and gifted adults often ask. “Is it just that we now have better ways of measuring and identifying it?”

My response is most generally along the following: Giftedness is a part of an evolutionary trend that we will soon more clearly identify, and that will someday demand a different way of educating our children to not just memorize facts, but to use their minds in a truly creative, imaginative way to make their lives and the world a better place.

Zentangle or Doodles

2010-08-02T04:20:00.029-04:00

Another response has come from someone who read over my blog posts on Zentangle and has seen my crosstrainer shoes asking, “What's the difference between the Zentangles and my doodles? I've been doodling all of my life." It's an honest questioning from someone who wants to know.

I often respond with, "Is your work teachable? Can you teach others to do what you do?"
At that point, I find myself in a mini-lecture with this analogy to music.

The 102 “tangles” are a form of standardized notation, much as in music, that students first learn to master. Each Certified Zentangle Teacher learns to master these 102 tangles so as to be able to teach students to make art in the first two classroom hours. Standardized tangles make classroom instruction possible. The students soon learn to recognize these tangles in a complex looking piece of art the way musicians recognize chord structure in someone else's music.

Yes, there are gifted artists who paint well without lessons, or gifted musicians who can write and play songs without reading music. But they have no method for teaching students their craft.

My father grew up in an Amish home where musical instruments were forbidden. While I was yet in grade school, I would see him bring home from his monthly excursions to the local auction barn keyboard musical instruments; a bellows organ, an upright piano, or several accordions. I would marvel as in a few minutes he could teach himself to play familiar hymns as the family sang along. His method of teaching me to solve any problem was, “If you just look at it long enough, it will come to you." My brain was not wired like his. I never learned to play “by ear.”

For certain gifted people no lessons are necessary to create art; not so for the general population. We need a way of learning to make art we enjoy. Zentangle makes that possible for us “one stroke at a time.”

My Daughter Goes in Search of Her Mother

2010-07-31T15:58:00.002-04:00

My Daughter’s Search for her Roots,

Nearly ten years ago, for the first time in 29 years, my daughter celebrated her birthday with her mother. Finding her biological mother required a series of improbable coincidences. As an avid journal writer, these synchronicities made fascinating journal entries. Later, I wrote them into a small book for my daughter’s Christmas present.

Today, I have chosen to share that story on one of the pages attached to this blog. “A Woman’s Search for Her Roots” Hope you enjoy reading it. ( I am still making some formatting adjustments for the blog.) The pages are listed to the right of the blog entries..

Depression in Gifted people is no ordinary depression

2010-07-25T09:08:00.002-04:00

Depression in gifted adolescents and adults is not just ordinary depression, a common cold mood disorder. Depression in gifted creatives is more often a ‘failure to thrive’ syndrome; the result of an emotional nutritional deficiency.

Witness two examples:
My day begins when Steve brings in an assemblage of three 20/30 somethings into the conference room to review our public marketing efforts. Three truly bright minds that are not only gifted creatives, but exude the joy in being able to do what each loves most to be doing; persuasive writing, website design, or data analysis, To be able not only to get paid for it, but to also engage in joint ventures with likeminded others - it doesn’t get any better than this!

Only hours later, an articulate young man, not dissimilar in age, comes into the office with complaints of depression, explaining he is in a no- brainer job with little opportunity for creativity, feels stuck in a neighborhood with constant street noise, and is in a relationship with little lasting stability. He complains is life does not allow the quiet or solitude necessary for the writing, playing and recording of his music, or for quiet sketching as a form of relaxation. Intuitively, I sense this man is creatively gifted, no different from the three who had been in the conference room.

What happened to him is that without the interaction with other gifted individuals, his own creatively does not grow. With little serenity or solitude, he cannot find his own center for nurturance and renewal. Gradually, his psyche slipped into a malaise, much like a small child who learns that he cannot count on his mother or the world for nurturing.

The course and style of treatment here is different, not limited to antidepressant medication and a few supportive nods of the head. Just my recognition, articulation, and validation of this issue brought a sense of connection, relief, and hope to this young man.

While I cannot keep you apprised of his progress, over the next few weeks I will be writing a series of posts on gifted individuals addressing the following questions:

What are the characteristics of Gifted people that makes them “different” from others?
How is their mood management a different issue?
What does it mean to grow up “different” when your parents, siblings, school mates, spouse or children don’t “get you”?
How is creativity and solitude or loneliness linked together?
Couples: Creative couples.
- How do they find each other?
- What happens when two gifted people find each other?
- What does it take to keep this relationship truly vital for years?

In this series of posts, I want to share not only what the best research has found, but what I have learned in paying close attention to gifted children, adolescent, adults, and couples.

Working with these gifted persons is one of the more fascinating and fun aspects of my work.

Zentangle Art as a Spiritual Practice

2010-07-18T11:15:00.014-04:00

For more than 90 minutes, Daved and I watched with amused interest.

Except for bathroom breaks, the four Certified Zentangle Teachers® shared nonstop in an excited, animated way their experiences of Zentangle Art, their insights from the last training, their experiences of teaching others, and the joys expressed by those they had newly trained. The emotional fervor of the moment forced them to occasionally reach out and touch each other, or shed tears of rapture and wonder.

I could've sworn that these women had just returned from some fundamentalist revival meeting.

A one point, my eyes lost focus on the scene in front of me as the women’s words faded. Suddenly, I am an 8 year old boy, watching from the top step, mesmerized, as my aunts, Maude, Fanny, and Amanda, three of my dad’s sisters, circled on the porch for a Sunday afternoon, competitively share their experiences of the latest revival meetings, of hearing the most inspiring evangelists, of giving testimony to their spiritual experiences, and of having brought others into the fold.

This scene from my childhood has not been in my consciousness for half a century. Now it has been called forth most vividly by the four women in front of me sharing their inspiration from the latest “revival meeting” with “Brother Rick” and “Sister Maria"; thus having been inspired to go out and “teach the gospel” to others.

Profoundly touched by this experience, their lives have moved to newer, richer paths.

"In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing.” wrote Norman Maclean in his novel A River Runs Through It. One could easily paraphrase his quote to “between religion and Zentangle”.

“But……….” I can hear you protest, “There's no theological doctrine in Zentangle. No right. No wrong. Nothing that gets you sent to Hell. They have nothing in common.”

I beg to differ. Even an alien visiting this planet for the first time can see the similarities.

In your mind, picture two video screens, side by side, one shows your usual religious service, the second, a Zentangle® teacher training. No sound; only video. What do we see on both screens?

We see people entering quietly, expectantly, greeting each other with smiles, anticipating a shared experience.

People move to their places, sit down and become less animated.

The moment the leader/ leaders stand in front of the group, the group members all give their undivided attention.

Soon, they all bow their heads.

For everyone, the focus is on the space in front of them.

After a period of time, the quiet focus comes to an end, people look up, turn to each other and smile.

Later, when the entire gathered ritual is complete, and the participants continue to congregate, speaking warmly to each other of what they had just experienced.

Since ancient times, the function of religious rituals has been to quiet the body, to still the mind, to narrow the focus to very specific point in time and space, and to lower the frequency of vibration in which we exist. In that stillness, we can come in contact with the very ground of our being. In that place, we become more loving, compassionate, and creative. From that place, artists create, musicians compose, and writers write.

In the silence of our observation, Daved commented it was his thinking that creativity was about connection; connection to something deep inside, as well as in connection to others outside. I think he's onto something there. Zentangle, like religion, connects us with something deep and mystical inside, and allows us to somehow connect with the community at large in some more creative, compassionate way.

Community, whether it comes from shared creativity, or shared Christianity, has a kindred basis. For both congregations, community is a byproduct that arises from a collective transcendent experience. Zentangle, like all spiritual practices, is one path to that experience.

Emotional Responses to Zentangle Art

2010-07-14T16:40:00.030-04:00

People do not remain neutral to seeing Zentangle art. Some are immediately dismissive, seeing the line drawings as little more than graffiti. Lifelong doodlers will see it as “what I have been doing for years”. Others, captured by the line drawings, remain with eyes fixed, not quite able to pull themselves from the art, not knowing what holds them to this art form. As a therapist, my surprise has been the strength of the emotional responses of many people, (including my own, at times), to these simple line drawings. Here are two recent examples:

A 30-year-old pregnant account executive, in the middle her session, stared downward.

"You wrote on your shoes!” She exclaimed. "My mother would have a fit. She always fussed at me whenever I would doodle on my shoes because I was so bored in class."

"But these are my shoes" I responded.

“It doesn't matter”, she replied, “my mother would still have of fit”.

“But, now you are old enough to buy your own shoes. You can write on them whenever you wish…..” I began, thinking this was an opportunity for therapeutic intervention.
“My mother would still have a fit!” the client interrupted, “She says you’re not supposed to write on your shoes.

I can understand people writing on their shoes, or even on their clothes, as a personal statement. But, do these “Zentanglers” carry this a bit too far in their expressive quests?

I, too, have an emotional, almost judgmental, response that says “people are not suppose to write on walls with Sharpies, or on the floor, or their cars”; a feeling that wells up within me when I see photos of any 'tangles' on otherwise pristine surfaces. These Zentangle art people -- they find a way, just like graffiti artists, to practice their craft wherever they find a blank space. Making “string lines”, they just start drawing; like some inspired (or possessed) person in an altered state.

After a fourth-year teacher from Spring Garden, a private elementary school, took a Zentangle class with Deborah, she proceeded to teach her fourth-graders how to make a Zentangle. This art form became the rage in the students’ homes. At the annual fund-raising event, even the brochure announcing the annual fundraiser was decorated with the Zentangle art. An ensemble of the 20 students' Zentangle cards fetched a high bid of $325.00! For fourth grade students, no less.
At this benefit auction, my bid won me a safe deposit box for life, prompting a visit to a local bank I'd never seen before.

In explaining the flier’s artwork as “Zentangle” art to the young bank manager, I pointed out the use of Zentangle art on my shoes. She appeared intrigued, explaining she has been an avid doodler all her life.

A week later, when a note came from the bank thanking me for having stopped into secure my safe deposit box and inviting me to make use of the banking services, the entire front of the bank's thank you note was covered with a very intricate and time-consuming form of the Zentangle art. The bank manager obviously must have taken me seriously and looked up the word Zentangle on the internet.

It so impressed me. Any branch manager who takes such care when writing a thank you note surely would exercise care in taking care of the money I deposit to her branch.

The Thank You Card

A writer once said, "That which is written with little effort, is read with little interest."

Is it the amount of focused time, attention, and creative energy that goes into one of these 3 1/2 inch squares that creates in people the fascination with this art form?

Does the artist imbue the work with an energy that emanates out to the viewer, capturing and holding her attention no differently than when one observes other line drawings created by artists from cave dwellers to Kandinsky.

Or, is there something primitive or primal in this work that touches a place deep in our archetypal unconsciousness of which were not yet aware?

"The mission of art is to inspire wordless awe." Alex Grey writes in his insightful book, The Mission of Art.

Wordless awe seems to be the most common, and perhaps most appropriate response to viewing any Zentangle art that has been created with concentrated, focused attention. Wordless awe is our most common response to great works of art, great music, mystical spiritual experiences, and even transcendent sexual experiences. (ever watch two artists in class look up from their work, smile at each other as if to say, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”)

All of these experiences put us in touch with some great creative force that seems to come not from us, but through us; Experiences that, when we are open to them, change us is some way. We know we have been touched deeply in some way and there is now no way of going back. Such seems to be the experience of people becoming engaged in this Zentangle art form. It has been mine.

Next, Zentangle as a Spiritual Movement

Zentangle Art as Cross Training

2010-07-10T22:52:00.015-04:00

Cross training is essential to all athletes who want to perform at their highest potential. I’ve known that since my high school and college days of track and baseball. Cross training is the name coaches give to those endless, repetitive, mind-numbing exercises that seemingly have little in common with one's actual skill training in a sport, yet are supposed to be essential in one’s overall athletic development.

Our baseball team came to joke that any maintenance chore assigned by the coach was considered “cross training.”   “Push that rake, Miller, it’s cross training.”

In my 30s, I undertook running as a form of exercise. As my race distances got longer, I decided to not set running a marathon as a goal, telling myself the cross training required to do marathons was a commitment of time I would not take from the family and give to my running.

Even though I no longer do any athletic cross training, I wear New Balance cross trainers to the office Several years ago I realized I simply felt better wearing the cross trainers; even better than wearing my best Johnston and Murphy dress shoes.

Because my career requires significant creative, mental work, the only cross training I do these days is for my brain; drawing mind maps, cutting/stacking firewood for the winter, coloring mandalas, (not Sudoku, it’s – too structured, using only part of the brain.).

Zentangle, I have discovered, is one of the better cross training activities for my brain.

Creating a Zentangle art tile as cross training for the mind, requires investing an hour
- Paying attention to the ceramic point on the paper,
- Feeling the pen drag across the ridges of Italian watercolor paper,- Hearing the muffled sound of paper,
- and watching the pen move deliberately in repetitive movements; rhythmically, hypnotically entraining the mind to this narrow focus.

Then, for the next three days, my journal writing shifts:
- the handwriting becomes legible,
- the mind stays on the page,
- the writing develops focus. (this must be the “Zen” part.)
Less drivel fills space on the page, more material comes from the intuitive heart.

One April afternoon, Deborah and Marijane were in the park creating Zentangle art in anticipation of attending the workshop training for Certified Zentangle Teachers. I decided to use the Zentangle art form (my mental cross training activity) to decorate the cross trainer shoes.

An hour of focused attention….., and voilà.   Wearable art.        “How cool is that!” I tell myself, “How brave is that!”

Next:   Responses to Zentangle wearable art.

Love and Intuition

2010-07-04T10:27:00.001-04:00

Love and Intuition by Sherrie Dillard, one of the books on my reading stand, contains the subtitle, “A Psychic’s Guide to Creating Lasting Love.

From its cover, one could mistake this book for one of those “How to find your soul mate” books, even though she has one chapter on such a topic. While the book cover does contain this subtitle, (perhaps for marketing purposes), it is a fraction of the content.

Her central message is that if one desires to use intuition as a guide for better decision making, then one needs to first attend to the business of clearing away any old unresolved anger and resentment toward others, as well as the regret or guilt one carries toward oneself.

Leaning to love yourself, then others, is the first order of business on the road to intuitive guidance.

So what makes intuition important? What if I don’t plan to be a psychic?

These days, events and situations confront us at such apace we no longer have the time to gather all the information or data we think necessary to make good decisions. It wasn't this way a decade or two ago. This is a different world; we are not in Kansas anymore, (to borrow an oft used phrase). Decisions need to be made from an intuitive basis more often in our ordinary day to day lives.

Teasing apart our emotional reactions from intuitive information takes practice; this is some of the best of what Dillard has to offer in her book. Learning how to distinguish our own internal issues from the energies we absorb from others is becoming one of the most important concepts we need to understand for maintaining our emotional, spiritual, and mental health.

These are not concepts that have been taught in your college psychology classes or texts; these are concepts that lie on the interface of psychology and the spiritual realm. They lie in the arena of transpersonal psychology; a psychology that give recognition to knowing that there is something more than just our unconscious within us that influences our emotional and mental life.

Developing a greater intuitive ability facilitates a greater awareness of these varying influences that affect our psychic lives. Developing greater intuitive abilities lessens the confusion in our emotional lives, leads to better decision making, and opens the way to greater creativity.

Not only can intuition, as a form of spiritual guidance, provide us with some of the best guidance out of certain situations we have gotten ourselves into, it gives us notions of new, possibly unmapped directions to travel, and give us the people that will play a role in that new life.

Life without Television

2010-07-01T07:34:00.011-04:00

Two different periods without television played a key role in shaping my life. During the first one, I came to appreciate reading and books. In the second, I gained an appreciation for the power of writing.

My parent’s, both raised in the Amish tradition, saw no place for television in our home for the first twelve years of my life. Then my mother’s capitulation to my older sisters’ wishes brought a large, 21 inch RCA, ( all TV was black and white back then), into the living room. Not enamored with Lawrence Welk, Dinah Shore, and the genre of variety shows, I began to find other places to hibernate in the more fascinating worlds of the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and later Sherlock Holmes.

Unlike the melodrama of my own family life or television soap operas, the drama of these books actually led somewhere. Information was uncovered; the drama ended with resolution of tensions and mystery between characters.

By the time I finished grade school, I had read all the Hardy boys and Nancy Drew mysteries that had been written at that time. In high school, (as distinguished from grade school. There was no “junior high school), I discovered a volume of The Complete Sherlock Holmes in our high school library. Because the librarian allowed me to keep renewing the book so long as no other student wanted it, I was able to read the entire series in the course of a year.

The reading of these mysteries cemented my lifelong friendship with books and my fascination with human behavior. Halfway through college, I decided studying human behavior was imminently more fascinating than chemical processes in the lab.

Later, when a marital separation came, I moved into my rental house, choosing to leave television behind. While remodeling this house over the next 16 months, without the distraction of any television, I wrote intensely. A habit of daily journal writing emerged; a daily ritual that continues to this day some 15 years later. By now, I have accumulated several Rubbermaid boxes of journals in addition to my shelves of books.

Much of wisdom is born of experience. But, having enough knowledge to make use of one’s experiences so that these experiences become wisdom, and not a sense of victimhood, or helplessness, makes a big difference. Knowing the difference between the good drama of our lives and the melodrama cycles of soap opera lives helps us take our lives on some meaningful or creative pathway.

Reading helpful, inspirational books, or writing the deep, raw truth that lies within, or sharing in deep dialogue with someone we trust -– any of these paths –- ( and you get to choose) can bring maturity, understanding and richness to our lives and relationships.

Growing Pains

2010-06-27T11:21:00.002-04:00

Most of us see ourselves as good, kind, compassionate persons. We do not see ourselves as deliberately doing harm to others, particularly those with whom we have some relationship. This is true for the people who come to the office for help with a dilemma that has them at a crossroad of their life. Those who work in the healing professions find this a particularly perplexing quandary.

Even as we care deeply for others in our lives, we are faced with this double bind.
We feel a need to grow.
We want to go where life offers joy, fulfillment and aliveness.
We want to go where our creativity and talents can find an arena of expression.
Most of all, we want to take our lives on a path with meaning, purpose and direction.

Yet, if we are to follow the path of our own development,
We may disappoint others.
We may not live up to the expectations of others.
We may not fulfill the commitments we have made to others
We may even leave others behind.

Notable writers, psychiatrists, and psychologists have written volumes on our needs for "self actualization" or for "individuation". We support and applaud the development of children and adolescents as they grow through stages. We even take for granted they may inadvertently hurt those they love while finding their chosen path. We assume it is all a part of the unfolding of life's drama .

Not so with adults. We assume we as adults should know better. We assume adults will make choices that will no bring disappointment or even pain to those around us. Yet, this dilemma of our needs for creative expression and relationships may require some of the most difficult choices we face.

We as adults, as well as our relationships, need creative growth. Balancing these two may give us growing pains. Piloting our way through such dilemmas with grace requires faith and some guidance.

But, it is the stuff from which wisdom is born.

It's Never Too Late...

2010-06-20T10:52:00.005-04:00

Beside my computer sits a small book. It's Never Too Late by Patrick Lindsay has a hundred small changes we can make each day toward feeling more alive and with a greater sense of direction.
It's never too late...
- to find and old friend.
- to write.
- to do something you love.

I keep it there to remind me, even at my age, it is never too late to do, say or write what I need to.

Today, is Father's day; a day to remember our fathers and what they have contributed to our lives. For centuries, a father's function was to teach us the survival skills for making our way in this world. Somehow, the world we live in is not the world of our fathers. Hopefully, what they have given us is some of the wisdom of living that serves us in many situations.

My father was a carpenter. My grandfather was an Amish farmer. I live in neither of these worlds. I work in an office. Yet, it was their approach toward life and work that I put into my own way of life.

For most of us, we can remember the good and the not so good moments with our fathers. So it is with most of our relationships. What makes our lives meaningful is that we cherish what has helped us. We say "Thank You". And we leave behind any pain or regrets. To carry these along is what we call baggage.

Today, we can leave that behind.

Today, we can focus on what we cherish, not only in our Fathers, but in all our relationships.

It's Never Too Late.......

My Favorite Adult ADD questions.......

2010-06-13T20:47:00.005-04:00

At least two times a month, someone asks me for an evaluation as to whether they or their child has ADD or ADHD.   In addition, the subject often comes up when ever I meet someone new out of the office and they find out my profession.

Here are some of my favorite questions to ask adults that gives some hints as to whether or they may have this ADD condition.
1. What does the inside of your vehicle look like?   Clean or messy?
2. What does your work space look like?
3. In school, was there a wide difference between your ability to do math or reading subjects?
4. Are you exceptionally good at something?   Sports, mechanics, computers, music, art, etc, things that involve good reflexes, good handeye coordination, balance, etc.
5, How well do small children or animals come to you?
6. How many addictive habits to you have?
7. What are the things in your life that you have a tendency to overdo.?
8. Do you have speeding tickets?
9. Does someone in your family tree have a history of mood disorders, addictive habits, or a series of jobs or personal relationships.
10. How quickly do you forget lists of things?

These questions are only the first ones that give me a clue as to what to ask next or if a full assessment is needed.   If you know someone who fits this criteria, they may have ADD.

"Mommy, I know you are going to be disappointed...."

2010-06-09T18:45:00.002-04:00

Even though she is quite young, it is already to late. Her mother's disapproval of her choices was now in the forefront of this child's decision making.

As the four of us wind in and out among the vans, cars, and SUV's from which families were exiting on their to the minor league game in Prince George Stadium, we overhear the statement from a small girl, not more than a second or third grader. "Mommy, I know you are going to be disapointed in me, but....."

Our small group literally stopped, and stared at each other, as if to say, "Did you hear that!"

The girl had made a choice to wear something that she knew was not what her mother world have chosen for her to wear. Obviously having experienced her mother's reaction such choices, she went on the offensive, declaring that she had taken her mother's wishes into consideration.

"It's just a baseball game." we all muttered to each other the statement we were wanting to say to the child and her mother.

Hearing this 8 year old articulate such a central issue of the mother - daughter relationship, seemed overly wise, or just sad. The notion of "what will my mother think?" had begun to factor in her daily decisions and choices No longer clear as to "What is it that I want?", her choices were already tempered by her mother's potential disapproval. This small child was aware of the issue that is central to a lifelong struggle of self esteem for many women..

We could have turned back to tell her, "It's just a baseball game. Wear what you feel like wearing."

But, then, if she is wise enough to go on the offensive by declaring to her mother, " I know what you want, but I chose to wear what I wanted to wear." she will avoid the pitfalls of those girls who had not such courage at this young age.

New Ideas coming soon?

2010-06-07T09:55:00.003-04:00

My astrologer friends tell me that this week, Tuesday in particular, is a good time to look for new insights and ideas to come to us.
So I share this with the hope that you will be vigilant for some intuitive insights that may be worth noting and writing down for later review.

Photoshoot for a hermit.........

2010-05-08T20:39:00.002-04:00

Sunday, May 9, 2010
Smiling at Stephanie and her camera lens for 90 minutes is a challenging experience for someone living a relatively hermit like life. For me, it's difficult to simply relax and smile when anyone points anything in my direction, particularly, when it is pointed directly at my eyes. I blink alot all throughout the photoshoot, necessitating more than the usual number of shots. But, Stephanie is always very patient, and very precise.
First, a formal portrait with a dress shirt and a tie in front of a blank wall. (I rarely wear a tie in the office.) "Stand facing toward Bryan, rotate your shoulders the other way, now lean forward toward me, tilt your head back that way, chin up, now, smile."
Next, informal shots sitting in my office chair. It helps to converse with Bryan. After a contemplative informal shoot in front of my bookcase, I take a break to recline on the sofa. Stephanie decides this is a good shot, also. We finish on the picnic table outside, the place where I take my breaks during the day. I wish them well as they head home to celebrate Mothers' Day.
Why go through all of this? It's all part of the new social networking and marketing emphasis in my life. Anything from business websites, to personal Skype and Facebook, all seem to require photos. Perhaps, it's better to have some of these done with a "real camera" rather than my cell phone.
After all, I want detailed photographs that will show all of the wrinkles that I've earned over time, that are a sign of my age and wisdom.

The female multitasking brain...

2010-05-08T08:49:00.002-04:00

A father complains about his teenage daughter.

“I walk into the living room, and there she is, sitting on the floor. She’s supposed to be doing her homework. Instead, I see she’s on her cell phone with one of her friends, the TV is going, and her school books are spread all over the floor.”

“What are you doing? I thought you are supposed to be studying!” I bark at her.

“But, Dad, I AM!” She whines back at me, “Melissa and I are doing our homework together.”

So, now I explain to him some of realities of the female multitasking brain.
Girls can be on the cell phone talking with their friend, listen to music, have the TV playing in the background, and be doing homework. Boys cannot do this.
From early infancy, their brain develops differently for girls, generally connecting the right and left sides of the brain earlier than that of boys.

It allows women to talk and listen with their friend, while simultaneously tracking the flow of a second conversation between two other women at the next table.

Then, I added, it allows your wife to be in the throes of passion and still remember what is next on her to do list that needs attended to when you are finished.

“Oh…….. They can really do all that?” he pondered, looking back at me; obviously taken aback by my comments.

“So you don’t watch the women talk to each other in the break room at work?

“No. All that chatter; it drives me nuts.”

“Then ask your wife her thoughts on what I have just told you.”

I had the sense that although he didn’t fully believe me, he was going to relate this conversation to her. And, that, in the future, he would to watch to see if what I had said may be true by making his own observations.

Human Contact

2010-05-02T08:24:00.001-04:00

Human Contact. That is still the single most important factor in healing from trauma and upsetting events.

To have some one simply be there for us. To listen to us when we need to tell our story. To hold us if that is what we need. To have someone who truly "gets us" in those time we struggle to reach out and to communicate our unspoken needs or unutterable pain.

At those times when I have been on site the next morning after a bank robbery to debrief with the tellers before they begin their day, I want to know, "Do you have someone you can call or be with while you are recovering from this experience?"

The summers I spent on my Amish grandfather's farm, I observed injured cats often disappearing for days, only to emerge to renewed life after their hibernation. That works for cats, perhaps, but we humans are more social creatures. We heal best when we have contact with other humans.

My brain is working overtime.......

2010-05-01T19:49:00.001-04:00

Today, my brain is still working overtime. It is processing PowerPoint slides and video clips from a two day workshop on how trauma effects the brain and the psyche. Dr. van der Kolk, in his Dutch accent, lectured nonstop as he showed us over a hundred slides of brain scans, statistics, and studies. He stopped his flow of information only during the dozens of video clips illustrating the latest research on treatment methods. Both my hand and brain got cramps from trying to capture it all.

Brain imaging technology makes it possible to better understand what parts of the brain begin to over-function, under-function, or stop functioning in the aftermath of trauma that induces the flight/fight/freeze response in us all. Brain scans illustrate most clearly how trauma and fear literally takes off-line our brain's highest executive functions. Decisions are then made in a more base primitive part of the brain helps us understand better.

Dr. van der Kolk's political humor illuminated how the use of fear tactics by political parties keeps the public from using their best and highest brain functions to make voting decisions. ("I don't see how you can vote Republican with this higher functioning part of your brain, he commented. "Most likely, it comes from this part." he says, pointing to the more primitive aspects of the brain.)

Would that I could have some of this technology in the office to illustrate to couples that in the midst of an emotional argument, they are functioning with only half of their brain. The more primal part.

Yoga, mediation, exercise, journal writing, tai chi, etc.......... all practices that calm the body and mind, and center us in the present moment, are the essentials to recovery from trauma, and developing the ability to continue to utilize the highest executive functions of our brains.

Today, not only is my brain processing this new information, but it also is now taking a look at old traumas of childhood in the light of this new information. It gives me a more understanding and compassionate view toward myself and the responses I have made in the past.

Writing Out Loud

2010-04-22T20:37:00.004-04:00

Writing out loud, for the first time, after decades of writing private thoughts into journals, clinical notes, emails, letters, cards, it seems a necessary shift in life at a certain age - an age where sharing a lifetime of learning becomes part of the daily mission of life.

Spending many hours in my chair, listening, asking questions, and recording my notes and thoughts have given a wealth of experience that seems worthy of sharing with others who my benefit from the lessons of the many people with whom I have had the privilege to share my days.