Sunday, May 9, 2010
Smiling at Stephanie and her camera lens for 90 minutes is a challenging experience for someone living a relatively hermit like life. For me, it's difficult to simply relax and smile when anyone points anything in my direction, particularly, when it is pointed directly at my eyes. I blink alot all throughout the photoshoot, necessitating more than the usual number of shots. But, Stephanie is always very patient, and very precise.
First, a formal portrait with a dress shirt and a tie in front of a blank wall. (I rarely wear a tie in the office.) "Stand facing toward Bryan, rotate your shoulders the other way, now lean forward toward me, tilt your head back that way, chin up, now, smile."
Next, informal shots sitting in my office chair. It helps to converse with Bryan. After a contemplative informal shoot in front of my bookcase, I take a break to recline on the sofa. Stephanie decides this is a good shot, also. We finish on the picnic table outside, the place where I take my breaks during the day. I wish them well as they head home to celebrate Mothers' Day.
Why go through all of this? It's all part of the new social networking and marketing emphasis in my life. Anything from business websites, to personal Skype and Facebook, all seem to require photos. Perhaps, it's better to have some of these done with a "real camera" rather than my cell phone.
After all, I want detailed photographs that will show all of the wrinkles that I've earned over time, that are a sign of my age and wisdom.

A father complains about his teenage daughter.


“I walk into the living room, and there she is, sitting on the floor. She’s supposed to be doing her homework. Instead, I see she’s on her cell phone with one of her friends, the TV is going, and her school books are spread all over the floor.”


“What are you doing? I thought you are supposed to be studying!” I bark at her.


“But, Dad, I AM!” She whines back at me, “Melissa and I are doing our homework together.”


So, now I explain to him some of realities of the female multitasking brain.
Girls can be on the cell phone talking with their friend, listen to music, have the TV playing in the background, and be doing homework. Boys cannot do this.
From early infancy, their brain develops differently for girls, generally connecting the right and left sides of the brain earlier than that of boys.


It allows women to talk and listen with their friend, while simultaneously tracking the flow of a second conversation between two other women at the next table.


Then, I added, it allows your wife to be in the throes of passion and still remember what is next on her to do list that needs attended to when you are finished.


“Oh…….. They can really do all that?” he pondered, looking back at me; obviously taken aback by my comments.


“So you don’t watch the women talk to each other in the break room at work?


“No. All that chatter; it drives me nuts.”


“Then ask your wife her thoughts on what I have just told you.”


I had the sense that although he didn’t fully believe me, he was going to relate this conversation to her. And, that, in the future, he would to watch to see if what I had said may be true by making his own observations.

Human Contact. That is still the single most important factor in healing from trauma and upsetting events.


To have some one simply be there for us. To listen to us when we need to tell our story. To hold us if that is what we need. To have someone who truly "gets us" in those time we struggle to reach out and to communicate our unspoken needs or unutterable pain.


At those times when I have been on site the next morning after a bank robbery to debrief with the tellers before they begin their day, I want to know, "Do you have someone you can call or be with while you are recovering from this experience?"


The summers I spent on my Amish grandfather's farm, I observed injured cats often disappearing for days, only to emerge to renewed life after their hibernation. That works for cats, perhaps, but we humans are more social creatures. We heal best when we have contact with other humans.

Today, my brain is still working overtime. It is processing PowerPoint slides and video clips from a two day workshop on how trauma effects the brain and the psyche. Dr. van der Kolk, in his Dutch accent, lectured nonstop as he showed us over a hundred slides of brain scans, statistics, and studies. He stopped his flow of information only during the dozens of video clips illustrating the latest research on treatment methods. Both my hand and brain got cramps from trying to capture it all.


Brain imaging technology makes it possible to better understand what parts of the brain begin to over-function, under-function, or stop functioning in the aftermath of trauma that induces the flight/fight/freeze response in us all. Brain scans illustrate most clearly how trauma and fear literally takes off-line our brain's highest executive functions. Decisions are then made in a more base primitive part of the brain helps us understand better.


Dr. van der Kolk's political humor illuminated how the use of fear tactics by political parties keeps the public from using their best and highest brain functions to make voting decisions. ("I don't see how you can vote Republican with this higher functioning part of your brain, he commented. "Most likely, it comes from this part." he says, pointing to the more primitive aspects of the brain.)


Would that I could have some of this technology in the office to illustrate to couples that in the midst of an emotional argument, they are functioning with only half of their brain. The more primal part.


Yoga, mediation, exercise, journal writing, tai chi, etc.......... all practices that calm the body and mind, and center us in the present moment, are the essentials to recovery from trauma, and developing the ability to continue to utilize the highest executive functions of our brains.


Today, not only is my brain processing this new information, but it also is now taking a look at old traumas of childhood in the light of this new information. It gives me a more understanding and compassionate view toward myself and the responses I have made in the past.