Changes beginning in 2012

Posted by Verlin

Tomorrow, a posting goes up in my office waiting room listing the revised rates and new services beginning in 2012. Revising rates for the first time in two decades and adding new services reflect the new directions for the practice.

New Services for 2012:

Business consultations - not infrequently, counseling sessions with individuals who own their own businesses often turn to discussions of personnel issues, business plans, or organizational structural changes. The sessions become coaching sessions for the client’s business interests as much as their personal/relationship issues. Separating the coaching service gives recognition to the unique combination of knowledge in both management and mental health is required to provide this service.

Astrology Readings – over the past 15 years, after having read nearly 75 books on astrology, reviewed over 2500 charts of people who I know, or have known intimately, and have collected a database of over 3100 charts, I've decided it's time to set a new course for this avocation. The readings will be consultations on individual’s natal chart, reviewing the specific gifts and challenges alluded to in the chart, as well as providing some relationship advice. I do not perceive these readings as being "predictive" astrology as some popular notions would have you believe.

During the past decade and a half, astrology has provided shortcuts, resulting in more efficient use of therapy consultation time and more focused sessions.

Carl Jung, late in his career, commented that "Astrology was the first psychology," as he observed the similarities between mythology, archetypal images, and astrological energies.

Internet Skype Sessions : I've been providing some Internet Skype sessions over the past two years whenever clients out of town during their regularly weekly sessions. I foresee utilizing the service more often, and more regularly during the coming year. For now, I will provide the service with established clients. I do not see Skype sessions as a usual alternative format for most counseling. There is still something about personal interaction between two people sitting face-to-face in the same room that cannot be produced in video form.

These are only a few of the changes of the many changes I anticipate for 2012 for the practice. As technological advances occur, and I learn how to use them, more changes will come forth as the year progresses.

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Where have your words gone?

Posted by Verlin

What have you been up to?” ask the emails from friends and blog readers. “Where has your creativity gone?”

“My mind has been in a creative lull; at least in terms of writing,” I tell them.

When summer arrived after the long cold wet winter, my body wanted to be outside in the elements.

Working with wood vs writing.

Canning vs Quoting.

Planting bulbs vs posting blogs.

Crafting landscapes vs manuscripts

Whenever weather allowed, I was outside.

Now in the return to living inside, my mind wants to read rather than write. The rainy retreat time two months ago fueled a passion which has completed one book every two weeks.

Today, I begin Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters, the Power of Romantic Passion, written by Ethel Person, a Jungian analyst on the transforming and humanizing effect of love on the psyche.

It is just one of the rhythms of my life. I have been through these before. These phases take my life, my relationships, and my therapy practice to a new level. They are an extension of a process which began at my annual retreat, My writing and my words will return, as will my desire to reach out to people.

“Do you still write in you journal?” one writer wants to know.

“Yes, it's the breakfast of my life.”

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"Heartbreak Warfare"

Posted by Verlin

HEARTBREAK WARFARE: a client plays for me an excerpt from a John Mayer song entitled: "Heartbreak Warfare".

It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

This is from someone who often describes her conflicts - both personal and business – as a war. Other clients have described their struggles with their teenagers as a war.

War is a concept that from my cultural and religious upbringing was seen as a shortsighted approach to dispute resolution. Historically, the Mennonites/Amish culture has not had its young men go to war, but rather, provide some community service to the country. Children’s Services, my alternative to the Vietnam, is where my career begins.

Psychologically war is a notion that says, "If I don't win what I want, then we will both go down - and you can't have what you want.” Or perhaps, “It will cost you so much you can't enjoy what you have won.”

The concept of war is about winning and losing; a concept that what one gains the other loses. The notion of winning and losing in relationship precludes any true intimacy. Peaceful coexistence, yes. Shared ventures or projects, yes. An closeness or camaraderie, yes. But true intimacy? Not so much.

When we see our relationships as a dualistic struggle, where one of us is the good guy and the other the victim, we are relying on the other to be more trusting than we are. More vulnerable and exposed than we are.

Sports evolved as a way providing young man a safe outlet for war-games through friendly competition. While sports give us rules for the field of play, a relationship war, I'm afraid, has no rules, no defined boundaries, and no clear winners – only “degrees of losing”.

Next time you are caught up in a ‘relationship war’, ask yourself,

- Is there another way I can see this?

- What is my greatest fear now?

- In a single sentence, what is it that I am wanting now.

Then, communicate that to your partner. Just say so.

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Rainy Day Retreat

Posted by Verlin

On some gray, misty, rainy morning, have you ever said to yourself, “ I would so love to stay home, hibernate, read a good book and sleep all day.”

Suppose you did stay home on a rainy day, what would you do? How would you spend your time?

Now, imagine having six consecutive rainy days in which you stayed home?

Misty fog hangs in the valley.

My annual retreat in an empty campground with six days in which it rained parts of each day gave me time to answer that question.

Solitary retreats serve as a renewal time for the body, mind and soul; for long walks for dialogue with the Self, renew spiritual practices, and read a book or two, a time of being present oriented, grounded in nature and body.

This year’s rains limited the hiking, eliminated the biking, confined the activities to mainly reading and writing; a misty fog forcing me inside the camper and forcing my focus “inside.” Listening to rain on the camper roof keeps one grounded in the physical realities of the present moment.

Daily routines of writing journal pages, trying new meditation practices, hiking, reading, and sitting around campfires in the evening, all served to keep my mind focused on the self in present time

Reading, or rather re-reading, extensively highlighted books provided some touchstone experiences; reorienting myself to previous experiences of spiritual renewal. This year’s selections were Baldwin’s Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, and Eckart Tolle’s The Power of Now; two books pulled from my shelves at the office based on some intuitive impulse.

When it was raining, extensive journal writing, hours of filling half of the new journal, was the predominate activity. A gratitude section. A review of this year in a life. An assessment some things I have learned in this lifetime. What to let go of and what to hold more dear. And, some commitments toward a year ahead.

Somewhere along the line, answers do arrive. Either in the question and answer form of journaling dialogue, a sudden inspiration in a highlighted line or two from a book, or from my own free form journaling in which I end up writing some thoughts I had no idea were in my mind. After 70 pages of writing, one finds perhaps seven lines that give inspiration, insight or enlightenment. But these are lines that come from inside, not from one of the books brought along.

Always a transcendent moment or two comes to me in this retreat week; a moment when the world looks surreal.

Sunshine warms the river and the valley.

- - On the river bank, in my chair, writing, practicing meditation exercises, quietly , silently for half an hour when a large black heron with white tail cruises by at an altitude of 6 feet overhead on his way to run off a younger heron from his favorite fallen tree branch.

- - A cloudless afternoon allowed the sun to shine onto the river valley bottom for a few hours, lifting of spirits and an animating all forms of wildlife out of their hibernation.

- - The full moon over head appearing brightly, fully on one special evening.

When on some future rainy day, you are tempted to stay home with yourself, please do so. Make it a day without electronic stimulation,-- no music, no internet, no television, no ‘news’. Make it a day of reading inspiring books, writing notes to yourself, or to friends, and simply listening to the rain and the silence.

Rain refreshes all of nature. Listening to rain may refresh your soul.

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Zentangle on The Fountain Pen Network

Posted by Verlin

A thread entitled, "Zentangle Advice " in the The Fountain Pen Network caught my attention. What also caught my attention was the strength of some people's responses to Zentangle art. Below is a post that I placed network this morning.

You can find the entire thread at the following link :

http://www.fountainpennetwork.com/forum/index.php?/forum/32-the-write-stuff/

Here is my post to that thread:

“People do not remain neutral to seeing Zentangle art. Some are immediately dismissive, seeing the line drawings as little more than graffiti. Lifelong doodlers will see it as “what I have been doing for years”. Others, captured by the line drawings, remain with eyes fixed, not quite able to pull themselves from the art, not knowing what holds them to this art form. As a therapist, my surprise has been the strength of the emotional responses of many people, (including my own, at times), to these simple line drawings.”

from "Emotional Responses To Zentangle Art", posted July 14, 2010 on the “FromMyChair” blog.

This thread began with a simple question, simply asking for information on fountain pen use in Zentangle art. Subsequent postings to this thread begin to appear; written with much stronger emotional fervor.

Many of the Zentangle, “tangles” do appear to be derivatives of our cultural artifacts, and of nature. But also, as pointed out in a previous entry in this thread, some of the tangles are reflective of symbols and art forms in ancient cultures around the world.

From this, I've drawn the conclusions that strength of the emotional responses to the Zentangle “tangles” seems to have come from an awakening of some primal/primitive emotional responses within people, responses not based in logic.

It does appear to me that the use of “Zentangle” as a registered trademark seems to elicit anger in some individuals as though someone had gotten a copyright on an ancient universal or religious symbol. I, still, as an observer of human nature, sit on the sidelines with fascination at these very strong responses. “What creates the intensity of these responses at each end of the continuum of emotions?”

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The Pelikans Have Arrived!!

Posted by Verlin

M800’s these are called. Pelikan fountain pens are German manufactured pens and arrive with two-tone18k gold nibs. These are some of the most desired fountain pens on the market. For each pen, I ordered custom ground, nibs, broad, italic cursive writing points for a right-handed person. Both nibs tuned by John Mottishaw, one of perhaps a half dozen highly respected “nibmeisters” in the country.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFKAssYpwug&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Why order two fountain pens? In journal writing, I will often switch back and forth between two pens, usually differing qualities of writing, or different colors. Thus I have differing inks and differing nibs on each pen. The clear, “Demonstrator”, so-called because it demonstrates the internal workings of the brass mechanism internal to this quality of and. As you can see, each part is labeled with laser marking. Demonstrators are manufactured in limited editions, thus are becoming increasingly rare.

But, the setup for makes them ideal for both journal and professional, clinical notes. Not only can I seem to be able to write endlessly, but I do so legibly.

Speaking of legibility, when the first pelican arrived, I found myself spending hours of third-grade cursive writing which I referred to as Pelikan Practice. Journals, it seems, are not only for good ideas, but good ideas that are presented legibly, and as works of art.

The more simply discovering two great fountain pens, I discovered The Fountain Pen Network, an organization of individuals who enjoy fountain pens. While some of them enjoy the process of writing with fountain pens and inks, others, enjoy creating journals with fountain pens. Still others, collect fountain pens, some are enamored with the brands, colors, or technical aspects of fountain pens, inks, and paper. Much of that is my current scope knowledge or interest, but what we all have in common is that we enjoy writing.

From the nearly 40,000 members worldwide, in The Fountain Pen Network I found individuals who not only write with fountain pens, write personal journals, write creatively, and, maintain blogs concerning their interests. David, the workshop assistant on the West Coast who "interviewed" me in gathering information regarding my writing style so John could more accurately assess how to grind this personalized nib, I discover, is also a playwright, and part-time actor in films. Another "David" lives close by and writes extraordinary reviews of inks under the pen name of “carpedavid.”
Blogspot blog : "Seize The Dave"

My interest in the Pelikan is not only brought me to the world's most finely crafted pens, but it's also put me in touch with an entirely new group of friends and associates that have enriched and broadened my view point and my experience.

Having written clinical notes for four decades, and personal journals for three, having used ball point pens, roller balls, markers, microns, and pencils, with the new Pelikan pen, hours of writing drift by as easily Sailor Jentle Blue ink flows from the golden nib onto the Moleskin paper.

From my journal pages, --...with fountain pens, finally, after getting the right combination, -- the pen, the nib, the ink, and the paper, - not only does the writing flow effortlessly, but thoughts flow without hesitation, resistance, or interference from the mind to the paper, the hand more faithfully reproduces what the mind thinks or the heart feels.

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After He Leaves….

Posted by Verlin

“Without the verbal ballast of hearing a hundred words each weekend,

Words of assumptions, opinions, criticisms and judgements,

My self esteem grew to new heights,

My self confidence developed in new directions,

My desires re-emerged from the aridity of this relationship,

And my creativity blossomed like roses,

from a bare, pruned bush,

unfold with greater vibrancy, color, and fragrance.” -- name withheld.

How is it that women, more than men, make this adjustment to separations with such grace? When I listen to them, I hear……

“Each week, I take a walk with my best friend.”

“ Once a month, I get together with a few of my closest friends, we go out to dinner, we have a glass of wine, we talk, we laugh, sometimes we cry, we rag on our men,… but mostly, we laugh a lot. That is what helps me the most. And that is my attitude readjustment for the month.”

“Each year, the four of us take a long weekend together – a kind of vacation from our lives, our men and our kids. That I can still look forward to that time together helps me the most.”

Women’s acceptance, understanding, and compassion toward each other during these transitions provides a healing component that men, money, and therapy cannot. Grieving this loss fully, and not merely replacing, ( as men have historically been prone to do) allows for the new life to “blossom” in ways not previously possible.

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Admitting error

Posted by Verlin

Recently, I had to admit to making an error in posting something to my blog that had not been sufficiently screened to ensure confidentiality. When someone pointed it out to me, I immediately admitted the error and removed that particular post from my blog. While no harm was done to any of the individuals involved, it did represent an oversight, an error on my part.

Admitting error seems to be a difficult process for some individuals. (and not just politicians or sports heroes.) I've found it difficult to maintain stable friendships with people who have great difficulty admitting error on their part, even for minor things.

Thirty years ago, as the new director of an agency, I walked into the office of the youngest supervisor to confront her on the data she had reported on a form I had just created.

“Where did you get this data?” I asked, “I cannot seem to match it up with the other units.”

“I lied.” She replied matter of factly, looking up from her desk.

“What? Why would you do that?” I said, stunned at the directness of her response.

“I didn’t understand your form, and I was afraid if I said that, you would be upset with me or think I was stupid. So I just lied.”

The, experience was a most disarming one. What you do when someone admits, “I lied.” It helped that she admitted she was afraid. Her honesty and vulnerability at that point made her human and understandable.

This five minute interaction taught me the benefit of readily admitting error and getting on with the business modifying the relationship so that future interactions will be a better place. In the process, a trust was established. That was the beginning an honest working relationship.

When we find that we are more concerned with our image and in being right, when we would rather be right than in a relationship, when we find it easier to be less that truthful, evasive, or to simply deny and project the blame, then we are in trouble, not only with others, but more troubling, with ourselves. We are living in a constant state of fear.

Want a new experience in relating to others? Admit error. Admit it openly, readily, and honestly. It can be a refreshing experience.

A new beginning in your relationships with others, and with yourself.

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The Pen Junkie and the Holy Grail of Pens

Posted by Verlin

Through years of journal writing, one accumulates and an extensive array of pens. Every writing desk has a canister of pens; not a cup, but a canister. For a period of time, I will write with one kind and then shift to the next one. In the process of three morning pages, I will use at least two kinds of pens of different color; more if I am decorating the edges with a “Zander” tangle design.

Ball points, felt tips, roller balls, pencils, markers, drafting pens, highlighters, scissors, and fountain pens all vie for space in the crowded canisters.

From Cardin and Cross, to Micron and Pilot, from Sharpies to Staples to Staedtler, Tul to Uniball, on Zebra and Zig. From .01 Microns to 5.0 Calligraphy markers. From $2.00 to $40.00; the list continues. Pens, pencils and markers manufactured from Japan to Germany. But, most importantly, a full array of shades and intensity of color.

Lately, I have begun to enjoy the Cross Fountain pen, a generic medium fountain pen, but have always wanted a pen with a broader point, perhaps even an italic or calligraphic point. But a truly top quality pen. The calligraphy starter set I tried tended to dry quickly. Totally unsatisfying. After writing thousands of journal pages, my Sagittarian mind seeks the next best creative tool. In addition to having a sense of tradition, fountain pens lend themselves well for slower, deliberate, contemplative, meditative writing practices.

Researching the ‘best of the best’ of fountain pens, has led me on a quest for the holy grail of pens, a Pelikan M800. Quests become Obsessions. Not knowing anyone personally who owns a Pelikan M800, my obsession requires me to research online,.. daily. Also, I have begun gathering my hoarded gift monies and my credit card points toward the object of the quest.

Yes, I have been told great novels and treatises have been written with goose quills, or pencils. Undeterred, I’ve continued my quest.

Does that mean I will neglect all the pens sitting in my pencil wells? Do artists neglect their old brushes? Not for a moment. They provide the varying colors, textures and speed I need for writing in different situations. Even my pens must provide useful work if they are to keep their place in the canisters.

When a decade ago I invested in a burgundy, aniline leather chair, I thought it to be the most extravagant purchase I had made. But, it has immensely improved the quality of my daily life. I've never had any regrets about its purchase. So is my assumption about purchasing a top quality pen even though others may think me mad to spend $300+ on a fountain pen. And like the chair, I expect that in a decade from now, I will have no regrets about this purchase.

When the pen of my dreams arrives, I will post a photo and a review.

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Where Have You Been???

Posted by Verlin

Where have you been?” some emails ask. "It has been a month since your last post.”

After three training trips, my travels are done for the summer. A return to normalcy and a rhythm prevails.

Training and Traveling. When I am in that mode, writing gets shoved to the side, overpowered by not only the demands of training workshops, but for the novelty of contrasting sounds, sights, smells, and experiences. The writing gets neglected like some pet that sits and awaits your arrival at home.

Travels provide contrasts that awaken the senses. The busy cacophony of traffic, cars, buses, trains – all of it in downtown Chicago, on a Friday at 5:30 pm is a jarring contrast to the tranquility of Frank Lloyd Wright’s Oak Park, or the nature trails of Oregon Ridge Park in Baltimore on a Saturday at 5:30.

I have experienced a skilled captain pilot an aircraft through stormy weather, and an unskilled copilot struggling with numerous power changes and turns to keep his speed and altitude at the required values enroute to O’Hare.

The sociability and laughter of Southwest passengers, even in a stormy flight seemed sweet in comparison to United’s staid crew and passengers, most of whom cast no glances at others sitting beside them, preferring to delve into books and electronics.

From the rear of the last shuttle bus ride came a raucous request from four men wanting to be dropped off at Lufthansa airline. Following their flight to Munich, three of them would head on to Amsterdam. This jovial quartet laughed and joked in three languages the entire way to the airport; one speaking in Deutsch, one in English, and two in Dutch. Yet, each clearly understood the other.

How great if this were a microcosm of our entire world!

For Sunday: The Pen Junkie and the Holy Grail of Pens

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What is the Point of Keeping a Journal??

Posted by Verlin

What Is the Point of Journaling?

… you may ask. What is the point of spending time trying to write thoughts, ideas, and feelings on the page, particularly when it is hard to do so?

Rather than trying to convince you, let me present you with a listing of books that have been most helpful to me. The subtitles give some hint as to the value of keeping journals.

Life's Companion, Journaling as a Spiritual Quest by Christina Baldwin. First given to me by a client, this book has become one of my all time favorites. When Christina Baldwin began writing books on journaling, the Library of Congress needed to create a new category of listings. If you never write down one line, this book is still an excellent treatise on guidance for your spiritual quest. Having given away over a dozen of my copies of this book, I find it still to be the most inspiring book on journal writing.

In Walking in This World, The Practical Art of Creativity, Julia Cameron's finest book, she presents spirituality and creativity as inextricably interwoven. Having read nearly all of Julia Cameron's books on writing, I consider this to be the zenith of her writing and that of greatest depth. Thirteen chapters, with plenty of white space in the margin for scribbles or notes, this is an excellent book to for shared work with friends or groups.

Henriette Anne Klauser gives us a reason to write – not to record the past, but to record our hopes, wishes, and dreams in her Write It Down, Make It Happen. She presents the case for writing down the ‘What” of what we want, and letting the “How” appear later. This book, a quick read, gives an view of increasing the odd of manifesting what we want in our lives by the simple act of writing it down,... being sure to write down all the sensory details.

For anyone who has asks, what do you do with all those journals, Rosalie Deer Heart and Alison Strickland illustrate a method of reviewing journals and harvesting the "thought seeds" by extracting the important themes, events, and insights recorded in a journal. Not for the faint of heart, these two share their experiences as they commit to finding the worthwhile truths in their journal entries.

These are only four of the dozens of books on my selves that speak to the art of keeping a journal. Any of them, and any of the books listed in the appendix of these books can help you understand the value othes place on keeping a journal. But only by writing yourself through an event in your lifetime will you come to see the value it has for you.

Journals are not diaries of daily events, rather they are an expression of the self and the Self, a description of the internal life of the writer. Journal writing appears in the lives of most great leaders, especially spiritual leaders.

Writing is a way of connecting with the Inner Self and of leaving your mark on this earth as you pass through this lifetime.

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From My Chair

Archives

Changes beginning in 2012

Where have your words gone?

"Heartbreak Warfare"

Rainy Day Retreat

Zentangle on The Fountain Pen Network

The Pelikans Have Arrived!!

After He Leaves….

Admitting error

The Pen Junkie and the Holy Grail of Pens

Where Have You Been???

What is the Point of Keeping a Journal??

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