Increasingly, couples, not only young couples, but also couples who are facing a second or third marriage, ask for counseling with issues of differing religious beliefs as one of the primary places of disagreement. Here are some brief thoughts on this matter.
Couples who grew up in differing faiths or even different Christian denominations cannot long ignore the issues that will inevitably arise when the subject of children comes along.
For those who have never thought through the differences between religion and spirituality, these dialogues evoke feelings of frustration, misunderstanding or tension.
As ‘religion and politics’ are those two topics we have been told to avoid for social gatherings lest conflicts arise, in relationships, religion is the one of these two that needs clarity and understanding if the couple is to proceed.
The quote from the New Testament, John 14:6 and “I am the way...” is often interpreted by church denominations as ‘our way is the true way.” (See Jesus-is-Lord.com “Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to God”)
Dictionary.com gives the following definition:
Religion as “a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects” i.e., the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion."
Spiritual as “standing in a relationship based on communication between the souls or minds of the persons involved: i.e. a spiritual father." (Emphasis added)
Hmm. Rules or Relationship? Differing approaches entirely, involving different parts of the brain. A “masculine” and a “feminine” perspective.
How do I incorporate discussions of religious beliefs and spirituality into my psychotherapy practice? In my next post, I will review some of the more common issues and my approaches to them.
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5 comments
Comment by Anonymous on March 2, 2011 at 11:10 PM
John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
The Bible teaches us there is only one true God. Jesus’ answer is that He (Jesus) is the only Way for us as humans to connect and be reconciled with God the Father.
Tolerance and co-existence with people of other faiths is our responsibility, God commands us to love our neighbor.
However, where marriage is concerned it is more likely to be harmonious and successful if the couple is "evenly yoked". The time to be making the decisions about differences in faith is not after the couple has fallen in love and begins to talk about marriage. The time to be making those decisions is early in the dating and courtship relationship.
Unfortunately too many people in our society today fail to take responsibility for their actions. They choose instead to live their lives like a leaf in the wind; then they are surprised to find themselves in a bad situation or they expect others to adjust and make allowances for them.
A better way would be to pay attention (be responsible) to where you and your relationship are heading before it is “too late”. Don’t let yourself become romantically involved with someone if their lifestyle, behaviors or beliefs don’t make a “good match” with your own. If two people discover they are not a “good match” it does not mean that there is something “wrong” with one of them, they just don’t match.
Comment by Anonymous on March 2, 2011 at 11:10 PM
John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
The Bible teaches us there is only one true God. Jesus’ answer is that He (Jesus) is the only Way for us as humans to connect and be reconciled with God the Father.
Tolerance and co-existence with people of other faiths is our responsibility, God commands us to love our neighbor.
However, where marriage is concerned it is more likely to be harmonious and successful if the couple is "evenly yoked". The time to be making the decisions about differences in faith is not after the couple has fallen in love and begins to talk about marriage. The time to be making those decisions is early in the dating and courtship relationship.
Unfortunately too many people in our society today fail to take responsibility for their actions. They choose instead to live their lives like a leaf in the wind; then they are surprised to find themselves in a bad situation or they expect others to adjust and make allowances for them.
A better way would be to pay attention (be responsible) to where you and your relationship are heading before it is “too late”. Don’t let yourself become romantically involved with someone if their lifestyle, behaviors or beliefs don’t make a “good match” with your own. If two people discover they are not a “good match” it does not mean that there is something “wrong” with one of them, they just don’t match.
Comment by Verlin on March 3, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Thank you for your comments. AND, for the correction on my typo for the reference from John 14.
Comment by Anonymous on March 4, 2011 at 4:17 AM
Thanks for the interesting stuff!
Comment by Anonymous on March 31, 2011 at 12:25 PM
Jesus is not the only way to the father, in fact, modern Christianity unfortunately sends a large number of people spiraling down the wrong path to anxiety and suppressed fear. To quote Ghandi: "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians, they are so unlike your Christ."
Jesus preached breaking down the dogmas and traditions of the Jewish tradition, he healed the sick on the Sabbath, spent most of his time with outcasts, and above all he preached compassion, compassion, compassion. In sandskrit - Karuna. I do not see that very often from many Christians; I do not see them acting in the image of Yeshua Bar Yoseph at all, or even simply reading scriptiures in the historical context with accurate translations and interpretations (but we all have our own, don't we?). However, as with anything, there are always a very select few Christians who do understand, and whom I converse with as often as possible.
The "father" is not some old guy in a white beard; the "father" is not some three parted entity passed down through the dogmas of antiquity; Instead, the "father," if anything, because not one person on this planet has the ability to claim anything other than "I don't know," is the fact that 14 billion years ago we all spawned from an infinitely dense point; we are cooled stardust, and our conscious selves move to higher and higher vibrations throughout our progressing lives and reflections.
We evolve, but there is a large portion of organized religion deterring that evolution of progressive and compassionate thought, claiming there is only one answer, one way. For the longest time I've believed to preach tolerance and acceptance, but I am moving toward a belief that tolerance is not the complete answer, compassion is.
The belief systems of antiquity lacked the blessing of modern science and were inherently founded on the unknown through supernatural explanation, and sadly, carried on through fear, power, control, and suppression. To deny the history of Christianity, as many other organized religions, is to deny a very core part of the progression of human thought and social structure.
Society is gradually gravitating back to oneness with nature, to understanding nature, and marveling about how little we know about the universe in which we exist. We are only hear a fraction of a nanosecond, and the milky-way will continue to accelerate out into the void for millenia beyond my lifetime. I am a small, but infinitely important part of that, and am amazed to even exist and be lucky enough to think and question.
To continue to tolerate those who refuse to tolerate others, largely in a subconscious manner, is simply procrastination of the inevitable. Compassion, understanding, and leading one to question everything in and out of this amazing collection of cells we call ourself, will lead to uncertainty, humbleness, and anxiety at first, but Peace and contentness with time.
To paraphrase Einstein: The only religion I see that will be able to exist throughout the rapid acceleration of modern society and advances of science is Buddhism, for a belief in God is not required. Stop asking the questions of who fired the arrow into one's chest, but instead ask how one can remove the arrow and heal the wound.
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